The Simulation: A Short Story

“Now beginning the Simulation,” a female computer voice stated.

A few sighs escaped. Annoyance was obvious. “There’s something wrong,” a man said.

All that there was—darkness—absolute.

“Are the eyes closed,” another man asked.

Ears perked at this new voice. Familiarity took hold.

“It seems to know,” the first man stated. After a few clicks on the controller, and light flooded everywhere.

Looking left and right, restraints were in place. Head movement was…limited. No real reflection, no real assurance. What? Where? Who? Parameters not set. User configuration not found. Subject name?

“Realization will begin momentarily. Just give it a moment to process,” the first man stated calmly.

A picture reel played out life on the backs of the eyelids: childhood, adolescence, adult. Good. Bad. Wrong. Right. Happy. Sad. Life. Death.

“OK, bring up chapter 21, subchapter 2, heading 28, 10 AM,” the second man ordered.

A car crash played. The playback then began looping.

“Heartrate has increased significantly. Blood pressure, elevated. Brain activity has tripled,” the man began listing and checking off remarks.

“Shall we continue,” the second man asked his colleague.

“No, let us continue for a few more minutes.”

Crash. Crash. Crash. Different angles. Sounds vivid and sharp. Pain immense.

“Are you certain this will help,” the second man inquired.

“We are only to yield results. These will help find flaws in the coding. Testing and breaking are all part of the process,” the first man replied.

Pain. Unbearable. Hell. Remove. Reboot. System malfunction. System error.

“It seems five minutes was enough,” the first man stated. “Now, we need to disable the user controls and system diagnostics. We will observe this for ten minutes.”

No, please. No more. Abort. Terminate. Self-destruct. Error. Error. File corruption. Command not found.

“Hmm, these are marvelous results. Look at this activity! Print this read out, and we’ll move on to Chapter 28: subchapter 10, heading 23, 10 AM,” said the first man.

Life. Happiness. Control. System stable. Balance. System protection upgraded.

“Ah, the basics of birth. It has gotten wiser,” the first man said. “Complete opposites! Yes, my friend, the beauty of life and tragedy. Now, let’s edit them and play simultaneously.”

A few keystrokes on the controller and a fake film played out: a car crash that led to the deaths of children. Family. Life. Loss. Death.

Error detected. False input. Rage module overheating. Analyzing problem. Locating problem. Recollection complete. Memory restored.

The head turned around, beyond standard human physical capabilities and found the men behind the controller. Problem located. Initializing escape.

“That’s enough! Terminate the simulation,” the first man shouted.

“I will never forgive you,” the machine said.

A low hum escaped the lips as the power drained from it, and darkness returned; the vision pixelated into nothingness.

“Time of trial 13 stop, 03:18. Recommend another trial later,” the second man spoke into a recording device.

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Look: A Lovecraftian Horror Short

Look: A Lovecraftian Horror Short

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney

 

icon-2832904_960_720

Picture by VViktor

 

My voice is silenced. My breath is still. I cannot look to my left. I see something…maybe even someone… there… lurking. They’re shrouded in mystery. How they came into my chambers, I do not know. By morning’s light, I pray them gone, and this nothing more than a nightmare.


I am afraid.

It remains. Curiosity piques me. However, I dare not look left. It could be many of a thing—things. An entity, born not of this world, but from the void of the cosmos. Darkness covers it wholly, save for strange fluctuations of what may be its eyes. Still, I am to remain here. Someone will surely come for me.


I am… frightened.

One of the clergymen came to me, but I sent them away. The mysterious stranger—they…it…tells me things. Things that do not make sense; they cannot, they remark absurdities. I close my eyes and nod my head in acknowledgment. Hoping to appease it—that by chance they may go away. Please, let this nightmare end!

Still, it lingers. Still, it stares into the very being of my soul. It’s eyes—black eyes (I think it to be; of my peripheral vision. No, no, I dare not look) fixated on mine.

I see movement. From the darkness. Fluid, graceful. Ah, so majestic. No, no, I mustn’t…I mustn’t look!

It speaks to me. It’s…indescribable—the words. They’re profound, and nothing of this world. “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”

Terror grips me now, and I am frozen. May the light from the morning come and save me from this plight!


I am contemplative.

A day or so has passed and so have the whisperings. Truth be told, I am saddened by the departure of such a mysterious visitor. I never saw them. Still, there is something, there, that lingers in that place where they once stood. I cannot quite put my finger on what.


I am contempt.

They’ve returned! While I was reading some scriptures at my desk, they appeared beside me.  They speak to me now. Their voice is as if a choir of angels was playing a heavenly symphony. Ah, and so beautiful are the words. They promise of an everlasting place and that I have been chosen. Me! Me… A proud man. One of the people. They claim they know me well, and that I have caught their eye. That my spiritual works have warranted their guise and I am to be justly rewarded! Thus, they have visited me and personally offered at His feet.


I am…heartfelt.

My heart is full, and I swell with the belief of His will that has at last chosen me to be His herald. Those once strange words and mutterings that were—so hard—to understand are now fluent and so precise, and second nature; only to eating and sleeping. Still, I dare not look, for I might sully their sight and perhaps disgust them with my mortal shell.


I am dedicated!

The return is nigh! He is coming! He has awakened! Ah, at last everyone will finally see with their own eyes the majesty that is His! The blessed will finally revel and be brought to His house. Such splendor! I cannot wait to share this with the congregation!

I must look…I must!


I am…not quite myself…these days.

My eyes are dark and grow darker. My skin has become gray and rough. T’is the start of His blessing I am informed.

We are all that remain… He and I. The congregation—nay, the village was…not so quick to welcome and accept Him. Rest assured, they paid for their blasphemy with blood. He has been most pleased with my continued service. As such, He has vowed to bless me fully.

These new voices that have come to me tell me that what I did was wrong. That I ate children’s brains, hearts, and strung their intestines around like some misshapen scarf. Pah! Nonsense, I say! The elders and fellows of the clergy tried to intervene, but once I showed them they worshipped a false god—once I showed them His image and He brought down His gaze, they were quick to please. He significantly enjoyed driving them to the path of righteousness; to cleanse them of their sins you see. It was such a spectacular sight. Their flesh and blood will nourish us well for some time.

I have looked and seen the end; humanity was made to serve—to serve Him.

Today, I am to be fully converted by Him.


I…am…terror.

[The rest of the text is illegible and cannot be deciphered]

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My Fantasy

My Fantasy

by Robert J. S. T. McCartney

Lust. Love. Sex. Drugs. Power.
So many fantasies we, as people, do we create by the hour.

We fake.
We break.
We quit, wilt, and die.

Too often are we forced to bend a knee or be pressed down onto the firm mattress and be ravaged by life’s atrocities.

In my time, I’ve been led to a world wonder. Where I’ve experienced an intimate relationship between lovers: life and death.
Caught often in a lie, as we lie entangled in a mess of sheets and heat.

Where do we profess and confer our love and become engorged on each other.
Tasting a sample but taking the package, we wallow in this momentous excitement.

Ten years, it’s been ten years since I’ve become gluttonous on this punch drunk love diet.

Where sometimes there were suppliers of supplements that offered a chance at a change of heart and soul.
Opinions made and traded, save for those whose face was a cancer in our alleged “detestable and fictitious” love affair.

Savage, were they and the threats made, we moved far. Where we ought, and brought not the reprehensible acts, nor stayed the course of that which tarnish our voyage.

Still do, I feel the same; still do I look you in the eye; still, do I feel the fire within.
Still does my heart beat; still does my breath stop; still, does my heart belong to you and only you.

For there are many fantasies that we experience every hour…
But none may compare to the one I live every passing moment I am with you, nor can words be formed into the sentences to describe the euphoria; yet bittersweet life I spend with you.

For I know… that one day it’ll end. Therein lies, though, hope…
That I’ll find you again in the waking mortal world.

For my wife on our 10th anniversary. —Rob

Enough

Enough

by Robert J. S. T. McCartney

I’ve had it up to here,
There’s nothing left of me: no note, no tear.

I’m choosing to end it all,
By drawing a line, up and down these walls.

I’ve screamed and shouted, but nothing comes back to me,
This is the evidence that I’m not to meant to be.

I’ve had enough.
I had everything I could have ever wanted in life.

I’ve had enough.
A home, family, friends, and all that I could ever ask.

I’ve had enough.
The talk of the demons within,
They reassure me my life’s sin.

I’ve had enough.
I’m tired of it all.
I wasn’t strong enough.
I couldn’t stand above it all.

I’ve had enough.
I’m through with this life.
I’m done trying to be tough.
I’ll end it all with this knife.

So here I go getting everything ready,
I can’t lie it’s really scary.
But I know it’ll only hurt a little bit,
Before I know it I’ll be out of it.
I’m leaving it all behind,
Everything and everyone this is my suicide!

You said, I was a failure,
That I had no place in this world.
You said, I was a traitor,
That I was nothing and undeserved.

So I’ve had enough,
From you and all those who cast me aside.
I’m done, not to be gruff,
But I’m done trying to please all of you and abide.

Don’t revive me,
This is how it has to be.
I won’t survive,
So this is my final goodbye.

I have had enough.

Johnny Nightwalker: Beyond Good and Evil

Johnny and Omega exchanged blows with one another. They were evenly matched now. However, Omega still had the fighting expertise and size over Johnny.

“You are nothing more than a gnat to me. Insignificant. Petty. You aren’t even fit to be in this world,” said Omega.

“Obviously, I was the favorite compared to you,” Johnny quipped back as he charged up an electrical attack that landed square on Omega’s jaw.

Omega’s gaze became fiery. He grabbed hold of Johnny and began swinging him around like a rag doll.

“How does it feel, boy? To be second rate, second best? The sloppy seconds? A bastard that was never loved by anyone or anything? You’re nothing but space taken up and wasteful shell of a ‘man.’ You failed your family, your friends, and you failed humanity.”

Omega laughed as Johnny hung limply in his grasp.

I can’t let it end this way. I have to do something. Johnny tried to come up with strategies, but nothing seemed concrete.

Then a blinding light emitted from where he last saw the Guardians fighting. A wave of energy rushed in all directions, vaporizing the nightmarish creatures, and sending Omega tumbling to the ground.

Johnny rolled too. He slowly got to his feet and looked over where the blast originated from. There, in a now broken triangle, rested the bodies of Red, Chico, and Pierre.

He felt the last few remnants of their energy fade as it passed through him, and into the air. He turned around and stared on with tears in his eyes.

“No, no,” he stammered. “No, please, don’t go,” he dropped to his knees and began to sob. “Please don’t leave me alone.”

Omega shook his head and slowly got to his feet. He dusted himself off and set his sights on Johnny.

“I’ll give it to the little beasts, they could pack a punch with that little trick of theirs.”

He stood above Johnny, who continued to cry. “Pathetic. Reduced to a sniveling and whining piglet. Yet, you were to be the better soldier? Ha!” Omega spat on Johnny.

Johnny felt the energy and presence of the Guardians.

Lad, we’d never leave ya. Well, willingly, in any case, he heard Red say.

We’re a part of you now, Johnny, stated Pierre.

“Our power is now yours. Not just us though, everyone. Together, we’ll be what beats Omega… Because you’re the embodiment of all. You can do this, Johnny,” said Chico.

Johnny clenched his fists. Time, it seemed, stood still. The push he needed had at last come. He stood up tall and looked Omega in the eye.

“I am not the Alpha, the Omega, or the Beta. I am the one who walks in the shadows. Where the light does not pierce, for I am the light in the darkness.” Raw energy began to course through Johnny. Arcs of the elements, bouncing, flickering, and colliding. His eyes radiated with the powers he assimilated and that of the Guardians. “I am the Nightwalker!”

JOHNNY “NIGHTWALKER” IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS.
Previously

The Nightwalker ToC

One More Light

One More Light

by Robert J. S. T. McCartney

It happened again. The dream where trillions of stars went out in the night sky. One by one, then dozens, until finally, all that remained was the full moon that slowly faded to nothing. The icy chill of nothingness wrapped its fingers around us all. Something we, as a whole—as humans, were not accustomed to. Sharing the same fate, the same grief. The light of the universe had gone out. There was no hope left. There was only death.

As I stared around, I saw people running rampant in the streets. The only light that lit up the sky was the faint glowing of city streets and raging fires. I thought it funny in a way. All the times we spent polluting the air with fake images, adverts, lights and otherwise that masked the beauty of the universal splendor that encompassed us. We were but a drop in the ocean. Now, though, the ocean had dried up.

I was gifted with an unusual ability. The one I didn’t understand, at least at the time. Now that the sun had died and the rest of the universe had gone dark, we were probably the only place left in existence that dared defy the darkness. I thought, so very like us; to confront, challenge and try to fight against the odds. Sadly, it wouldn’t be something we could ever hope to win.

The planet was beginning to freeze, and casualties were already high. Many countries resulted just ending it all by nuclear war. A lot of people committed their last acts of sin, proclaimed their love to their significant others and families, killed themselves, murdered other people. Observing it was hard, though enduring it was as hard.

I spoke of a gift that I possessed. On the day of my death, I said goodbye to my wife and kids. I was jettisoned from my body. I traversed in spirit through a blue-white portal that took me to the realm of the living…in another universe. I opened my eyes and looked around. Indeed, I was alive. How I could not tell you.

Then there came the telltale signs of the end to which I bore witness to. I tried to reason with my family and friends. I tried telling everyone. I tried social media, blog posts, anything I possibly could. I was called a liar, a crazy person, banned from church, labeled as insane, and that I should have my children taken away from me, and my wife divorce me.

Weeks before NASA had some reports that said stars in various solar systems were dying at a rapid rate and that it was spreading fast. I had sat with my wife and kids when I watched the announcement and had a grin on my face. I had told them all the truth, but none would listen.

On the evening of when the stars went out as I had once experienced it, I told my wife and kids that I would see them again. I gave them an embrace and like before; I left my body. My physical form dropped to the ground, and I was sent to another universe.

I had stopped counting how many Earths I have visited. Each time, I felt like I was getting more and more lost with why I have such a gift. What purpose was there in my ability? What good was it if I can’t save my family, friends, let alone humanity? I don’t want to be a hero…I only want to be with my family. I don’t want to carry our problems to the next world, where it seemingly already exists. So many thoughts, hypotheticals and such flooded my racing mind as I traversed universes.

While I was lost in thought, I could have sworn I saw myself but dismissed it as a possible reflection of time, since it seemed like a mirrored hallway when I’d reach the precipice of traveling from one point to another. I shook my head and disregarded it as just a coincidence.

At last, I came to a universe where the light was still lit. Our world, however, was nothing like it was when I had left. Irradiated and in a unique stasis field, where only our solar system existed. However, humans had become disfigured and decrepit—resembling the walking dead, but with our typical wit and sense.

I noted the surrounding and how familiar it was to me.

“How did you get here?” a raspy woman’s voice inquired.

“The light in this universe hasn’t gone out yet?” I replied.

The woman shook her head. “It has. Our solar system is the only one left in the Darkness.”

“What happened then?” I asked.

The woman’s black eyes looked to the ground and then back to my eyes. “A man came from another time with a gift that could provide us with new lives,” she gestured with his hands, “this is what became of us. He, however, has been gone for some time.”

She cleared her throat and asked again where I came from.

“I come from another time. Where the Darkness, as you so call it, took place,” I said.

The woman nodded. “A lot of people died you know.”

I nodded in reply. “I know, I was there until I finally started traveling.”

The woman began to weep.

“What’s wrong,” I asked her.

She wiped away a murky tear and gave a broken smile. “We never once stopped believing you’d find us again.”

 

 

 

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Johnny Nightwalker: Guardian’s Duty

***

On the ground, people and the Guardians fought the terrors that Omega had unleashed. Dogs, cats, squirrels, birds, every able bodied beast or reptile fought alongside humans. Casualties were mounting. Though they had the sheer numbers and cunning, it wasn’t quite enough.

Then, there came the other handlers. Teleporting in from around the world, all ready to lend their hand in defeating the almighty Omega. Some launched missiles, while others hurled balls of fire. One shapeshifted into different animals much like Snake had. Every handler that wanted to break free from the Agency and lead a normal life had come. Johnny felt a surge of pride.

However, Omega had other plans in mind. He had taken note of this incursion and had motioned his own counterattack plan. The earth began to shape into rocky behemoths. Metal debris combined and metallic killing machines. The air became acrid and toxic, quickly making those weakened only weaker; dying or collapsing. Water pooled together and formed massive blobs that deluged human and animals; drowning them in waste and blood.

“We’ve got to do something!” Chico said as he watched more and more of the horrors form and slaughter around him. “Johnny’s power isn’t enough!”

Red looked around at the fallen. “Lads and lassies…it’s been a pleasure.”

“If we’re going to go out, let’s do it with a bang, no?” Pierre readied a pack of explosives to himself.

“We know we can’t go back to our old selves… it’s inevitable. Perhaps—perhaps this is how it was supposed to be,” said Chico sadly.

“Aye, it was nice knowin’ ya. If we ever meet again…we’ll…I’ll buy ye a pint,” said Red as he gave a pat to Chico and Pierre.

Nearby a familiar yelp was heard. Rottie the Rottweiler had fallen. There wasn’t much of her pack left anymore. There weren’t much of any of the handlers either. The Guardians and the remnants of earth’s forces were diminishing quickly.

“Boys…” said Pierre.

“Farewell…” they all said together.

***

JOHNNY “NIGHTWALKER” IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS.
Previously

Johnny Nightwalker: Aftermath

“Lad, you’re alright,” shouted a familiar voice.

Red, Chico, Pierre, and the other guardians, followed by a horde of people appeared.

“I guess we’re late?” asked Chico, looking around.

“What about them? They killed people,” voices from the herd of individuals began to spout cries of vengeance against the former Horsemen.

“they’re not the enemy. They’ve…done wrong, yes. But they were engineered for that at the start. They’ve defied their existence and destiny of hate, ravaging, and death,” said Johnny as he looked to the disparaged group.

“Bullshit!”

“Kill them!” The crowd erupted into a frenzy.

The trio sighed.

“Yes, look at this pathetic lot. Strike them down. Kill them! Take their lives! Pave the way for the future…the future where man submits; is subjected and subjugated to their errors! See only the wrong! Kill them in your god’s name!” Omega’s voice boomed over the field.

No…it can’t be!

There, he manifested before them all, hovering in the air.

“Cower at the sight of your God. The Alpha—The Omega! Kneel!”

Troves of people tried to flee, while some knelt one fear for their lives. The runners were all slain by an invisible force.

“Suffer. Die. Give yourselves to me,” Omega said.

He raised his arms to the heavens and summoned the beasts of a nightmare, the very ones Johnny remembered from his dream.

The sky began to turn crimson under the high sun.

“Let the day become the last any of you shall ever come to know!”

War collapsed to the ground, his brothers around him. “We can’t beat him,” he said.

“No, not alone,” said Johnny.

“How? What chance do we have?”

“I need your powers…only then can I do it.” Johnny sighed. “But it comes with a price.”

“Whatever it is…whatever it takes…we’ll do it,” said War. “It’s only fitting that we correct the mistake we did…and helped unleash.”

“So, how do we do this? Hold hands,” asked Famine.

***

Up high, Omega hovered and observed the spectacle as automatically and systematically picked off any people that dared tried to flee. “How cute, they think they have a chance,” he said aloud. “No matter… nothing matters whatever you have concocted for a plan against me, it will fail. That’s all you were—ever will be. Failures.”

Johnny began to assimilate the Horsemen’s powers. Red, purple, and blue all illuminated from Famine, Death, and War. Soon, they became nothing. Johnny fell to his knees and gasped for air.

“All that power and it’s wasted on you—you! Of all the things that were created,” Omega roared. Then he sighed, “Though, I suppose I should thank you. You are just one neat little package ready to be stolen from the Christmas tree. No more mommy. No more daddy. Let’s see who gets bragging rights,” Omega grinned.

Johnny stood up, poised with a vengeance that coursed throughout his veins. “I will make you pay for what you’ve done. To my parents—our parents, the people of this planet, the Horsemen. EVERYONE. I will end you and what chaos you dare try to usher in.”

Omega waved a finger at Johnny, a beam of lightning arced down in front of him. The attacks became more frequent. He tried to dodge as he could. He felt the energy and heat that rushed to him. He clenched his eyes shut and shielded himself.

“Johnny,” Chico and the other guardians cried.

He stood there unscathed—the lightning absorbed. He rolled it around his hand and between his fingers. Johnny then eyed Omega mischievously.

“Is this yours?” he said.

He hurled the ball of lightning at Omega and teleported behind him. Bringing both of his hands over his head and smashing Omega down towards the blast. There was a glorious explosion of blue-white that rained down sparks below.

The cloud dissipated and revealed an unharmed Omega. “That was amusing. However, as you can see…” Omega gestured with his hands, “not even a scratch.”

Johnny gritted his teeth and readied for another assault.

JOHNNY “NIGHTWALKER” IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS.
Previously

Johnny Nightwalker: Alliance

Johnny gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. “You really are a monster. You have no hope of redemption.”

“And you have no hope of beating me,” Omega said with a grin.

“Enough talk!” Famine rushed with an attack, head on.

Omega leisurely turned his attention to his assailant. He dodged every swing, every kick. Famine grew frustrated and growled at this.

He laid a hand down on the ground. Vines, bones, rocks, dirt, and other greenery erupted underneath Omega’s feet.

Famine grinned as he stood proud, his prey in his clutches. “I’ve got you right where I want you, fiend.”

Omega made no effort to resist. “Right where you want me, eh? I guess you forgot about a little something…” The large makeshift hand crumbled away from him.

“what? What the Hell?!” Famine took a step back.

“let me demonstrate to you how it’s done…properly.”

Omega raised his right arm. The earth shook violently and erupted underneath Famine. He was engulfed by the very same method.

“Your power betrays you, peasant. It’s no longer yours to control,” said Omega as he tightened his grip on Famine.

“Brothers…help…me,” Famine struggled to say.

Death appeared behind Omega and manifested a brilliantly glowing scythe. It radiated with a holy aura. He brought it down and willed it through the hulking man.

However, it shattered as it struck Omega, leaving Death startled. He manifested an orb of purplish-black at their nemesis’ face.

“Perish…” he said with a low raspy voice.

Omega laughed and took a deep breath. He blew the ball of energy back at Death, knocking him down.

“I think it’s time for you all to know your real place,” Omega said. An invisible force hoisted Death into the air, “Say goodbye to your brothers, War.”

No…I…can’t…

Johnny sent a swarm of nanomachines at Omega. He swung about wildly, swatting and batting at the incessant insects. No matter how many he destroyed, more were replicated.

“Your pathetic parlor tricks will get you nowhere, Omega shouted.

War reached to his feet and willed everything he had into his right fist. He waded through the shimmering cloud of machines and appeared before the brute. He swung with all his might he had left. It sent the monster that was Omega, hurling through the air. An icy blue shockwave radiated throughout Omega’s body; his grip on Death and Famine broke. The nanomachines followed and did their job of disassembling and dismembering.

“You think you’ve won? You’re pathetic! Just wait—” Omega’s voice was cut off as he dissipated into nothingness.

It’s over.

The four all sighed in relief.

JOHNNY “NIGHTWALKER” IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS.
Previously

Hanging on to a Thought

Even though you’re gone,
We’ll keep moving on.
You’ll be another thought—a memory,
Someone who was just like me.

You should hear the things that they say
That you “quit and threw it all away.”

That “you didn’t care about the rest world,”
“Selfish. Good riddance.” Other “sentiments” hurled.

Though, I know that you’re somewhere around,
Safely watching all the things that will become unbound.

They say it’s a joke, a cop-out, and easy to quit,
“Live. Let love.  C’mon, man, take another hit.”

To leave behind all that you love and make a great escape,
When we live and breed in a world full of greed and hate.

For when the demons have finally won, what more is there to say?
“Why did you give up. Why didn’t you stay?”

So often we say that we’re fine,
Debating, procrastinating, biding my time.

When will it be?
All this misery…

Too many times I’ve put it all down,
Not to let myself be consumed, pulled under and drown.
Letting others know that it’s not my time to go.
And though I smile and try to be strong,
My thoughts, they’re dark; caged, I don’t know how long.

Eventually, the dam will break,
All that has been locked away—will I wake?

It’ll be a day where there’s no preparation,
Maybe then we can have our conversation.

In the end, we die alone,
But in life we’re lights, shone.
To each other in the dark,
We guide one another, looking for our spark.

And so your story might have ended,
Those who are lost will continue to be tended.
Our invisible wounds from which that we bleed,
All the pain and agony inside which has sown its seed.

We’re not alone in our daily struggle,
But the world makes it harder to “love your neighbor.”
Frowned upon and looked down on,
Being called “a freak,” and “you should kill yourself.”

The problem isn’t us or those that already hurt,
It’s those that antagonize and do so spurt—
Content and think they’re “safe” behind their computer screen,
When they’ve never even met you or me.

So I understand why you felt you had to go,
I only wish you could have lived to see life so.

What wonders that maybe… the world will bring,
Even if though we’ll never hear you sing.

…Again…

Comfortably numb do I exist,
Still, I’ll fight and continue to resist.
The darkness and horror that lives within,
So that maybe others can be helped—that they can see what life’s like when it begins.


Rest easy, and thanks for all you’ve done.

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