Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle — Available Today

Hey folks.

It’s the day that’s come around again. The release of the novel Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle in its beautiful paperback form. The Kindle version will be available June 28, 2018, and is open for pre-orders.

Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."

Win or lose, I am happy to have Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle back out in the world. I have been eager to get books one and three out for the world to see, and with the idea of possible books four and five. . .well. . .I want to see them all done officially and venture on.

I also have been having the itch of bringing out my one WIP (it’s done, just the title is still being bounced about) dubbed Sinclair Gets His Rolex. It’s a superhero story, but it’s more so an unorthodox way the hero gets his powers. I’ve also thought of several reworks and if I wanted to actually just start it over again or go and tweak things to a different route. It’s open-ended, so I have plenty of wiggle and flex room.

Then there’s the wrap up to The Lodestone Files. Ugh, I have it done as well as the side story, but it’s incredible how life can populate your time and let you miss out on getting back into writing more. A lot is going on and a lot to do. Much less apparent; not that I am on hiatus. . .but I am. I write when I can and when I can, but a lot is going on behind the scenes. Plus, I value doing things with my family and friends, so I again, do what I can when I can.

The Lodestone Files Book 2

I look forward to seeing what people think of the “revised” Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle and look forward to seeing how it fairs. I am not nervous, nor do I care about the reviews (good or bad), I just write for myself and want to make some stories known.

In any case, I will be around and also sound off about the Kindle version of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle next week or so. I wish you all well, and to have a happy weekend. Stay safe out there!

Until next time,

RJM

 

 

P.S. In case you forgot what Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle is about…

Lilah's Guide to Hoyle Cover

Description:

“All life is a gamble. . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards.

It’s anything but a fairy tale. Lilah, armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, gambles with her life–and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled, and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah.

She play’s for keeps.

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Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle: Final Excerpt (On Sale 6/21/18)

Hey folks.

Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle is coming out on June 21, 2018 (6/21/18) with plenty of changes. As such, I wanted to share a final excerpt from the tale. I hope you enjoy it! Remember, you can pre-order it now in paperback here. Kindle versions will be available after release. Use coupon code PREORDER2018 to receive a 10% discount.

I wish you all well and thanks for reading.

Until next time,

RJM

 

NOTE: The format is not a representation of the final product. It appears different and all shiny in the actual product. 😉


9♠

 

 

 

 

IT WAS LATE EVENING. The sun had already descended under the horizon. The stars had bloomed in the twilight and were sparkling like diamonds. The moon had also risen high above, offering a silver sliver of soft, majestic light to the world below. The only disturbance in the silence was the rustling of grass under Lynaly’s feet as she approached the hill that overlooked Middleton. She slowly sat upon the lone boulder, and a black shadow leaped out of the darkness, planting itself on her lap. She cradled the small beast.

Lynaly looked down at Sheila. The cat’s eyes were clenched shut in pure pleasure as it purred. “You can sense it, can’t you, my sweet?” she muttered.

A meow escaped the little beast’s maw as it slowly opened its majestic golden eyes and gazed upward to its queen. A smile crept across Lynaly’s face, and she continued to stroke Sheila’s back. She looked down upon Middleton, waiting, patient as a fisherman.

“Soon, we will.” Lynaly fixated on a location only known to her.

“Do you think he knows yet?” A disembodied male voice echoed in Lynaly’s mind.

“Perhaps—because of that flea,” she replied, annoyed. “It’s of no importance, for he will become mine.” Lynaly’s grin glowed faintly under the moon’s soft light. She picked up Sheila and looked her in the eyes. “Soon we will have all the pieces. However, you will do another task for me.” She stared deeper into Sheila’s eyes. “This will be your last task. Complete it and return to me. Soon you’ll be whole.”

The cat gave a light bob of its head. Lynaly placed the beast back onto her lap, where she ran her fingers down Sheila’s back.

The golden eyes closed again. “Yes, my queen, as you say.” Lynaly grinned again in the night’s deathly light.

 

—END EXCERPT—


Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."

“What hand has life dealt you? Let’s check. . .”

“All life is a gamble. . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards.

It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled, and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah.

She plays for keeps.


Purchase here and use coupon code PREORDER2018 to get 10% off your order.

Free Kindle Book Two of The Lodestone Files — Get It 5/14 — 5/18

Hey folks.

Dropping a hot note real quick before I rest my heavy head on my pillow, to remind you of the great dealio of nabbing The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World for free starting Monday, May 14, 2018. If you have Kindle Unlimited already, well, you can already get the book for free. If you don’t, however, then this would be the best time to mosey on over and grab that little electronic diode of literary saucebot and save, save, save!

Here’s a photo of it in case you need it in a lineup.

The Lodestone Files Book 2

Description: What would you do?

Life had been rather normal up until that miserable night. Idris and Cal are on the run from the government, and an alien. After witnessing their small town, Lodestone, get wiped out, and the loss of their family, the boys need to keep moving with no time to grieve. With the help of a strange drunkard named Mac, they may just live.

Hot on their trail is the secret government agent, Murdoch, who is tasked with making sure that are no survivors or evidence could otherwise jeopardize the very confidential agreement between two worlds.

Elsewhere, the alien that has taken on the form of James has begun to carry out his plans for Earth and humankind’s extinction. Earth, as it seems, is in due for overwhelming destruction with no hope for humanity’s survival in this elaborate game of cat and mouse.

So, what would you do?

Nice, nice, yeah that’s pretty. Space. Lots of space.

The Re-Release of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle and The Future

Right, in other news, I know I have been lax in getting out all the new material and keeping in line with my timeline of “Things to Come.” Life happens. Sometimes you want to recoup from being accustomed to going to “Church” every day for a little over a week, and you’re left wondering, “what in the hell did I eat?” Just to find out you took the wrong vitamin and you feel pretty dumb. It happens. Well, things will be rolling and adequately done soon enough. It’s not like I have an insurmountable amount of time…OK, I do—kind of—but balancing six or so plates and such makes things a bit hard. So, I am going at a different pace and not making myself hate what I love to do the most (next to gaming, slaying people with Bill and the gang, etc.). That would be writing…if you weren’t sure.

TIP: Be sure to use PREORDER2018 to get 10% off your order when you preorder Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle (in paperback). Grab it. Love it. Caress it. Marry it? Just be wary of papercuts.

Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."

Description:

“All life is a gamble. . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards.

It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled, and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah.

She plays for keeps.

Right, so while all that is happening and such, I also wanted to remind you lovelies of the return of a classic—well, my classic (along with Al’s)— Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle. I will be posting another (and final) excerpt which will be different than the older posts I once shared. I do look forward to getting the rest of the books out, but having another publisher pick it up and all that, well, it kind of snagged my production of getting those titles out. Soon, though, right?! Yes, yes, my precious… June 21, 2018, to be exact.

Suggestions? Bob Has One!

If you haven’t yet, and are in a rut and looking for something on the dark side (and still…humorous) to read, might I suggest The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal. It’s free via Kindle Unlimited, and also available in paperback and hardcover—if you’re feeling frisky. It’s got it all, except a kitchen sink and a bag of chips. That costs extra.

the_chronicles_of_bob_ecover

Description:

Hey, folks. My name is Bob Barnem, and I’m a chronic suicidal.

Do you ever get that itch? And I’m not talking about something that can be treated with a cream or powder.

You don’t follow? All right, say you’re driving down the highway. Have you ever just had a sudden urge to jump out of the car? Or maybe play intimately with traffic? In short, have you ever felt a desire for the thrill of suicide without the consequence of death?

This is a tale about my various ways of suicide…and encountering a bizarre knife, some phantom creatures, and being a hero—sometimes.

Things are about to get really exciting for both of us.

Some itches just need to be scratched.

Mmm, yeah, that’s the stuff. Trust me, it’s a fun read. I enjoyed writing it as much as I did suffering years of waging a self-mental war (and still do).

So, stick around, and stay tuned. There will be more goods to browse and wares to haggle over in the coming months.

Until next time,

RJM

Free Kindle Book 5/14/18 — The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World

Hey folks.

The Lodestone Files Book 2

I just wanted to let you all know that next week (5/14 — 5/18) you can snag book two of The Lodestone Files series for free; even if you don’t have Kindle Unlimited. So, if you don’t have KU and are strapped for cash and want to venture down highway free-99, this would be the time to do it.

Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."

Also, next month (6/21) marks the release of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle. You can use the coupon code PREORDER2018 for 10% off your purchase. This release will be only available in paperback and as an ebook. If you already have your copies from when the title was originally released, congrats! However, a bit of change and such are found in this newer copy. You may want to pick it up or ask for it as a gift. 😉

(There were a limited number of hardcover copies printed and signed. As of now, there are no plans to re-release new hardcovers.) 

Wishing you all a fantastic week, until next time.

RJM

P.S. If you haven’t already or didn’t know… You can get book one of The Lodestone Files for free. Book three will be coming out this Summer. 😉

P.P.S. The site will be moving… soon™. Meaning everything will be under A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group vs. two separate addresses. You’ll see. 😉

Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle: An Excerpt

Hey, folks.

I come bearing news of the forthcoming novel Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle by myself and my good friend, Albert J. Debusschere III. It is currently available for pre-order at this link. It’s slated to be released June 21, 2018. You can also use the promo code: PREORDER2018 to receive a 10% discount.


Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."

“What hand has life dealt you? Let’s check. . .”

 

“All life is a gamble. . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards.

It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled, and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah.

She plays for keeps.


Check out the excerpt below for a taste of things to come from this epic series.


 

—Excerpt from Chapter 1♠—

♦ ♠ ♣ ♥ ♠

“What are you doing? I said keep your hands where I can see them!” The New England spring night turned the mugger’s words into barely visible tufts of vapor. Beads of sweat dotted the man’s forehead. The gun in his hand trembled as his gaze fell to the girl’s hands.

They moved like clockwork: the pale right hand slid into the jet-black purse slung low on her side, while the left hovered between her and the mugger in the universal “hold on a minute” gesture. The tip of each of her slender fingers ended in the same jet black as the rest of her outfit.

In the brief moment of tension, as the girl’s hands did their job, the mugger could see underneath the typical high-school goth garb. She was attractive. Her dark-brown eyes were magnified by the thin-rimmed, if not exaggerated, glasses that defiantly exclaimed, “Here’s a nerd and she’s proud of it.”

“This is all I have. Please, don’t hurt me,” she said coolly. If he had been more focused, he might have noticed just how chillingly calm she was.

His gaze snapped from the smooth curve of her cheek back to her right hand, which she was now retracting from her purse. The gun mimicked her movement. Her hand paused for a second as if in doubt, then slowly continued on its path, revealing something that caught him completely off guard: a deck of playing cards.

“All life is a gamble,” she began. “We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up. When we hop in our cars in the morning, we take the chance that maybe right around the corner is a drunk driver, driving a hundred miles an hour, about to end our lives.” Her words cut into the silence of 3:00 a.m. Something about the way she talked and moved sent a chill down the man’s spine. He hoped she didn’t notice. He had the gun, he told himself. He was in control of the situation.

The girl’s left hand dropped and met her right hand in front of her chest. Together, they began a rhythmic dance of cutting and shuffling the deck. The cards seemed to fall onto each other, flipping and turning intermingling. “Every day, loved ones and complete strangers die. Deaths in the hundreds, in the thousands, in the hundreds of thousands!” she continued, her voice taking on a manic characteristic. “Some deaths are obscure, others are known worldwide. Murder, suicide, disease, old age. But one thing ties us together—our very mortality, the one thing that makes each and every one of us equal. We are just fodder for the cause that is life, fodder for progress!”

Most of her words fell on deaf ears as her assailant became fixated on the ballet of cards and fingers transpiring before him, the smooth paper and skin performing before him. Occasionally, he caught hints of red and black, and as the cards twisted and turned in her hands almost hypnotically, all tension in the mugger’s body drifted away. His hand and gun slumped down to his side.

“Now, I will offer you a rare opportunity. I will show you just how fragile your life is.” The crescendo in her tone ceased, and her voice dropped back down to a murmur. “I will determine your fate in five cards.” Her hands stopped, and she drew four cards from the top of the deck. “Let’s see.” She showed the first card to the man. “An ace of hearts.” She drew the second card. “Eight of spades, but that’s not important.” She revealed the third card. “Eight of diamonds.” A sinister grin sprawled across her lips as she drew the fourth card, and a growling undercurrent escaped her throat with each syllable. “An ace of clubs. Mister, you are a dead man, and this is your hand.”

Her left hand moved back to the deck, but this time, it didn’t make contact. The man’s head buzzed as he realized the top card was floating. Like an avalanche closing in on him, her last few words began to ring in his head exponentially louder. He brought the gun up again, pointing it straight at her heart. The card now stood erect on top of the deck and began to slowly rotate, and the little goth nerd’s expression slowly changed from slight evil to all-out sadistic glee; her eyes glowed a dim demonic green.

His hands trembled terribly; and no matter how much he willed it, he couldn’t move his finger the two centimeters that could make all this trouble go away. The card was now halfway spun, and his right eye turned red as blood vessels burst behind his retina. He clenched his eyes shut and with all his might willed his finger to move—and it did.

The crash was deafening. Scalding sparks exploded across the usually vacant alleyway. Warm blood splattered across the brick walls, across the now-revealed ten of spades, and across the young girl’s grinning face; across her exaggerated nerd glasses.

The mugger’s lifeless body dropped to the ground, blood spurting out from where the right half of his face had been and gushing out from what remained of his arm. The ten of spades nestled back down on the deck, and she placed the cards back in their tiny home in her purse. She removed a paperback book with the name HOYLE in large white letters on the cover and pulled a pen out along with it. Flipping through the pages, she settled on the page with the chapter title “Two Pair,” and quickly scribbled in the margin: Ten of spades makes guns explode.

—END OF EXCERPT—


 

I hope you enjoyed this excerpt and consider purchasing Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle to entertain your mind and find the series to be engrossing. Stay tuned for more news and the inevitable release!

Until next time,

RJM

First Newsletter From A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group: October

Hey folks,

Today A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group released their first newsletter. You can check out some upcoming and ongoing deals on some exciting titles.

Also, there is a contest for TWO paperback proof copies of The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal going on until Sunday night. Check out this post.

Now on to the newsletter!


For the PDF version of this newsletter click here.

A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group |10/25/2017—11/03/2017 |Edition 1, Volume 1

 October’s Best Reads

Author News


Hello and welcome to our first newsletter being published and viewed as a blog post. Today we’re jumping right in and looking at some authors who have some interesting stories. These titles have been hand selected and may have a promotion already running.


Awake Asleep Dreaming

By John Siwicki


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This mystery/suspense/psychological thriller by John is dubbed as a “very thought provoking” and “intense story…that asks the important questions about life.”

With a solid rating and listed currently at $0.00, what is there to lose?

Purchase

DESCRIPTION: Who sees the future, who knows the future, and who makes the future? If a wish or a dream comes true is it ours? Where did it come from? Why do we want it? Is life simply a coin toss floating in time waiting to be snatched and held? Do we make it happen? Is it a random snap of a finger instance moment selection, or can we choose which way to turn? Is it magic, illusion, something made from nothing? In the end there’s silence, peace after the last images of life fades from thought, and the whisper on our breath sounds a word. And, as the last word rolls off our lips into the eternal silence of a cool peaceful morning it’s broken, and this last flutter of time will offer a choice—be awake, asleep, dreaming or dead.

BUY NOW


Driven to Death

By Elleby Harper


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Driven to Death is an acclaimed British crime and mystery story with an American twist.

Fans of Tami Hoag, Harlen Coben, Victor Methos and James Patterson’s Bookshots will enjoy this novel. This is a “read on the run” book that you will be able to consume quickly. Thus, making it ideal for today’s busy readers.

It is currently listed at $0.99 until November 2nd. It is advised to act now!

Purchase

DESCRIPTION:

Would you save your daughter’s killer?

When Evie Butterworth faces every parent’s nightmare, the death of her daughter, the police are brought in to determine whether it was murder.

Heading the investigation is NYPD homicide detective Bex Wynter. Abandoning her own train wreck of a life she becomes head of a new investigative team in a brand new country. But not everyone welcomes an American to the London Met. Quinn Standing has a hard time dealing with the failures piling up in his life, and an even harder time adjusting to his new boss.

As her team peels back the layers to discover what really happened at Richmond Bridge, pressure builds from the media, the killer’s high profile father and Bex’s tragic past. Will she be able to shake off her demons to bring justice to light?

BUY NOW


Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney and Albert J. Debusschere III


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Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle is an urban fantasy novel that revolves around Lilah, a girl who was down on her luck and committed suicide.

Striking a deal with a demon named Mullin, Lilah uses the very skill that led her to ruin, only she is capitalizing off the newfound powers she has come into possession.

Book two of the Tragedy in Four Acts Series, Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle serves as number one in the chain of cataclysmic events that are about to unfold across numerous novels and novellas.

This title will be FREE from October 29th until November 3rd.

Purchase

DESCRIPTION:

“All life is a gamble . . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards. It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, “Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks”, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, Lilah gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah.

She plays for keeps.

BUY NOW


There will be more literature releasing in the coming month. November 30th will mark the release of The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal. Pre-order sales will be donated to Mission 22 for our veterans in the fight against suicide. Proceeds from paperback sales of Abnormal Side Effects will go 100% to suicide prevention charities and organizations. —Check out the post by Robert J. S. T. McCartney for more details. 

As always, we welcome authors and other publishers (self-published, traditional, or hybrid authors) to share their stories with us. We wish you all a happy and safe Halloween.

Until next time,

A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group

Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle is Free OCT 30—NOV 3, 2017

Hey folks.

I’m just dropping a line like it’s hot before the brief break to say that Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle will be free October 30 — November 3, 2017, on Amazon.

In addition, I will also be offering book two of The Lodestone Files for free at A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group during this time period.

I am also looking for a handful of people who would be interested in reading an advanced copy of The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronicle Suicidal. All you have to do is drop a line in the comments or email me at Mrsincados@abnormalpublishing.com with the subject “ARC Reader” and I’ll hook you up.

November 30th is the big day for Bob, and I am excited to share my side project with you all.

More things will be happening and even an upcoming Thanksgiving / Christmas Special. Trust me, the Bear God is very giving. 😉

I wish you all well and to stay safe out there.

Until next time,

RJM

Coming This Fall—November to be Precise

Hey, folks.

So, we’re not doing a cover reveal yet…but The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal is finished.

I wanted to share an excerpt from our beloved suicidalist on one of his many escapades. In addition, here are some other points to address.Paperback may be the only print format available—at first. If anything, there would just be a limited amount of hardcovers, which would include a little something extra about Bob. If you like the story and how it goes, trust me, it’s something you’ll love.

Format: Paperback may be the only print format available—at first. If anything, there would just be a limited amount of hardcovers, which would include a little something extra about Bob. If you like the story and how it goes, trust me, it’s something you’ll love. As always, if you buy a print copy, you get a digital copy for free with us (and Amazon).

Pricing: $3 flat. It could be less or it could be about the same. The chances are high that it’ll just be $3 flat.

Cover: It’s gonna be sexy. At least in our eyes.

Surprise! If you want a digital version of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for free, just go to the store, set out to buy it, and enter in the coupon LILAHFREE. Boom. Done. You can then download it as many times as you want…or even gift it.

You can also nab The Lodestone Files: The Things in the Shadows and Abnormal Side Effects for free too.

Anywho, without further ado… Here’s a brief excerpt from The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal.


Episode One: The Chronic Suicidal

Have you ever had those moments where you’re sitting there (or hell, driving) and just thinking, “Man, I could totally kill myself right now.” Or maybe—and work with me here—you’re sitting at the dinner table with your family. You know, your spouse, perhaps your parents, kids, siblings, whatever. Then the moment you break bread you’re just like, “Fuck it!” You slam your palms down (or fists, or do a table flip, I don’t fucking know), grab that steak knife, and . . . slit. You know? Slit your own throat? Literally. Right there. At the dinner table. You got blood spraying, gushing out, dripping down your clothes, all over the furniture, the walls, the fine China, the mashed potatoes, on your folks, in your kid’s eye.

Well, if you’ve ever had moments like these, where you’re compelled to do the unthinkable, you’re not alone. Hell, I do it all the time. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Bob Barnen, and I am a chronic suicidal.

Christ, it sounds like I’m at some AA meeting, or in the confessional or something. Yeah, well, I’m not. The truth is, I dunno where I am. I mean, I do, I just don’t know where exactly I am. I guess I could be dead, dreaming, in a coma. I tried asking others: my wife, my kids, my folks, my friends—hell, even my dog! No one has a goddamn clue what the hell is going on. What I do know is this: every time I commit suicide, I’m put right back in bed, safe and cozy.

I guess I could start by telling you about the first time I had the impulse, and why I did what I did.

Now, lemme tell ya, I had no regrets. Not even a letter. I loved my family, an’ hell, I still do. It wasn’t their fault that I wanted to end it. I was just done. Just done with life. I couldn’t handle the stress of a transfer out of state, of meeting people who were culturally different, and honestly, of not knowing a single goddamn person. I mean sure, the pay was good, yeah, but what good is the pay when you bust your balls and ask all the boys at the cooler—“Hey, Pete, Bill, Shaun, guy—to get a drink after work and don’t get a single goddamn word in reply? Instead, they give you this look like, who the fuck are you? Oh, it’s the new guy! Bah, fuck ’em. I’ll tell you what, those sons of bitches who say that they’re there “if you need help,” or some “reasonable accommodation,” or their “door is always open,” they’re lying sons of bitches. They don’t care about you. They don’t care about no one except their own goddamn selves and their fat fucking wallets.

I do apologize, I seemed to have run off there.

So here’s the deal: job transfer out of state. I’m a desk jockey at a firm that deals the stock market. Been married for thirteen years, four kids. I have a nice house, decent pay, fucked-up neighbors. I got a car, dog, and some cats. What’s there to be wrong? Probably absolutely nothing, and I get that. What happened was pretty simple. I jumped. I jumped right off the roof of the office building right smack onto the cars and curb below. I say “and curb” because I think—I’m pretty sure at least—that my feet snapped on it and shattered. I dunno. I can’t say I remember anything other than a giant forceful knockout that, well, knocked the shit out of me.

You might be asking, “What were your final thoughts?” Well, for starters: “Oh shit, oh shit, bad idea, bad idea.” Followed by, “I’m flying!” Then, “Holy shit the ground is coming up fast.” Next, “Why am I doing this? Who’s going to take care of the kids, and my wife? What the hell am I doing?” And then, some guilt, anger, sadness, love, happiness. Finally, nothing. Pow! Lights out.

Now, hindsight being twenty-twenty, yeah, it was pretty fucking stupid. Do I regret it? Yes and no. Yes, because I was dumb to leave my family alone in this fucked-up world. And no because, well, I can’t die. OK, I can die, but I can’t die. I’m like Bill fucking Murray in an extreme, uncensored version of Groundhog Day, but it’s been going on now for . . . fuck if I know. Either way, nothings working, and truth be told, I’ve started to actually enjoy it. If this is how I get to spend the rest of my days, so be it, I guess. I get to see my wife, my kids; that’s good enough for me. Still, I can’t shake the thought of there being more to this. For now, I’ll just get dressed.

By the way, if you haven’t figured it out yet—I recently killed myself at the dinner table.

—END EXCERPT—


So there you have it, folks. I hope you enjoyed this sampling of Bob’s meaty loins.

Until next time,

— RJM and Friends

Updates and Other Things

Hey, Folks.

I thought I’d do some updates on what is slated to come out for the Summer and rest of the year. What does that entail? Let’s list it out!

  • The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal in all formats.

This means paperback, hardcover, and digital. Digital will be up first and priced at $2.99 on Amazon and right here at home. Purchase links will be available two weeks before widespread public release on A.B.Normal Publishing. Print editions will follow simultaneous of the Kindle release.

  • The Conclusion of Johnny Nightwalker

This story will be wrapped up soon. We can then wave goodbye to one of our suburban heroes for good…or maybe not. Who knows?

  • Lynaly’s Requiem

The Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle prequel is being edited, and well, I want to do more additions to it. That’s the beauty of working on something you love (and when it’s in your hands). The Lodestone Files and Abnormal Side Effects…those will be retouched (or remastered) with extras. More on that below.

Anyway, I will release this novella at $0.99 when it is finished. Spring/Summer 2018 release pending extracurricular activity. There will be a new edition where both stories (Lynaly & Lilah’s) are as they were supposed to be… One.

There will be a new edition where both stories (Lynaly & Lilah’s) are as they were supposed to be… One.

This, in turn, will lead to the planned special edition of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle. It will include the uncut version of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle, the bits here and there that were cut, and what Al and I had called “The Lilah Bible.” It probably isn’t anything substantial, but I like creating things for everyone to see and enjoy. This edition will also include the novella about Lynaly and a bonus chapter from the next book.

  • Dana and Walter’s Adventures aka The Dana and Walter Files: The Untold Stories of New Boston and Middleton

This title is just a placeholder. Ode to Captain Placeholder. Fare thee well.

Anyway, I have a miniseries that will be first written online about the favorable detective duo—Walter and Dana.

Depending on the size, it may just be a novella or novel. It could also just be an anthology. It could be any size I’d want it to be really…but hmm…well you know.

  • The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing from Another World

I completed this last year… It was available on the site, but I didn’t get a cover done up. Well, that’s gonna change, and it’ll be available for sale, etc., Soon.

  • The Lodestone Files: Books Three and Four

Yep. There are four parts. The last two will be quick follow-ups, and the series will be concluded.

As a bonus to the fun that was involved in the process…there will be a short story that I have drafted up from another location that takes place within the Lodestone universe.

Eventually, all four titles will be put in a neat little collection in all formats for you to enjoy. These were designed (unintentionally, but kind of so) to be quick reads. The super group will be pretty sweet (at least I think so—that is, in my opinion).

  • Abnormal Side Effects Redux

This title will get some TLC loving because it needs to. There will be a cover overhaul, a few more stories added.

  • Abnormal Essential Collection

Originally, this was what Abnormal Side Effects was going to be. However, this is going to have EVERYTHING. What do I mean by everything? It’s one of those…greatest hits kind of deals.

It will have The Lodestone FilesLilah’s Guide to HoyleAbnormal Side Effects, more stories, poems, and more extras. It will be a little black book with red font. No. Seriously.

  • MORE COMING!

Trust me. A lot is coming out.

Like what?

Book’s three and four for Lilah, Dana, Walter…everyone.

Bud Berkman’s premiere.

Super-ultra-omega 600+ page sci-fi post-apocalyptic epic.

Sinclair Gets His Rolex, which is my superhero title [This is done by the way].

The next chapters of The Mysterious Stranger.

Last but not least…MORE BEAR GOD!

I’ll also be wrapping up some other stories, both long and short. It’s going to be only getting busier with balls going everywhere.

I hope you all enjoy this tidbit of what’s coming up and what’s in store for you.

I wish you all a s’good day/night.

Until next time,

RJM

 

Note: If you or someone you know is interested in being a guest blogger or contributor, please feel free to email me: mrsincados@abnormalpublishing.com with “Guest Blogger” or “Guest Contributor” as the subject.
This was originally published on www.abnormalpublishing.com by Robert J. S. T. McCartney.

Announcing “Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle” Free July 21 — July 24th

Hey, folks.

Next week [July 21 — July 24] you can get the urban fantasy novel, Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for free in the Kindle store.

In the USA? Free. UK? Free! Mexico? Italy? Germany? FREE. It’s free for all to enjoy (or even hate! …but you can reach that decision on your own).

If you’re a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, then great news, everyone! You can already grab a Kindle copy for free.

Don’t miss out on an enjoyable reading experience.


“All life is a gamble . . . We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Deluxe cover for "Lilah's Guide to Hoyle."

“All life is a gamble… We go to sleep every night comfortably betting that the next day we’ll wake up.”

Demons. Sorcery. Magical playing cards. It’s anything but a fairy tale. Armed with her choice deck, her beloved book, Hoyle’s Guide to Poker and Parlor Tricks, and the skill that led her to throw away her college fund, Lilah gambles with her life—and with the lives of those around her.

Elsewhere, other players have a different idea of the rules of the game. And investigating the bizarre chain of events is Middleton PD’s finest, Detectives Dana Deupree and Walter Conway.

It’s anyone’s game. The cards have been shuffled and the stakes are high. The call has gone around the table. Others may fold, but not Lilah. She plays for keeps.

What will you wager? Will you call? Stand? Or will you fold?


Be sure to get in on the action… for a limited time!

July 21 — July 24, 2017

Until next time,

RJM