Trick or Treat: Bob’s Saving You a Seat

Hey, folks.

Your Uncle Bob is getting dressed for the occasion that matters most in the year. That’s right, kiddies — Halloween! So what better way than to share the wondrous story of amazement that is The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal from 10/29/19 — 11/2/19 for your Amazon Kindle.

There are no nougat, caramel, nuts (well Bob is a bit off his rocker, but you know that’s just how he is). However, it contains zero calories, sugar-free, gluten-free, all-natural, and no additives except for what life adds. There’s also no razor blades so you parents out there can rest assured that you’re getting a real treat.

Look, there isn’t a sugarcoated pill that’s swell enough to swallow when it comes to suicide; nor is mental illness a joke. A lot of times it gets swept under the rug like everything else going on in the world. Through the stories dark humor and take on the matter, it’s a self-projection of the number of times that I wanted to experiment in certain situations.

Also, to help the fight against suicide, for every paperback and hardcover edition that is purchased, all proceeds will be donated to the following charities. Mission22, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS).

Remember folks, no one has to go it alone in life. Let’s end the stigma about suicide, and let’s do something about it.

Also, I wish you all a happy and safe Halloween.

As always…until next time,

RJM


If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Or, text HOME to 741741 to be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor through Crisis Text Line.

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What’s Up?

Hey, folks.

Some may be wondering what I’ve been up to (while others may not and that’s alright too).

Well, in short, I continued to take a little break. I’ve still been working on material and content for Abnormal Publishing but I also been doing it a lot less rushed state. A lot has been going on with life, the death of my father, managing weight, health, family, etc. Writing, while it’s my passion and such, it’s just a side project that I enjoy and do what I can when I can. Now that the kiddos are doing full-time school that opens up some time to help squeeze some juice in to sate what I want to get done.

I am also waiting patiently for 2020 to come around because I have a lot of what I have been saving to just unload all over put out for folks to read. There are also more stories planned and a new universe that was created that I am sure some people will enjoy. I am also looking to expand the story of Bob, the beloved suicidalist, and even Walter and Dana’s adventures. There is a trove of new characters, stories, and settings to go that I have to probably convert it to an Excel spreadsheet.

There is also a (nearing) 1K page epic post-apocalyptic tale that will need to be chopped, diced, and then its remains pureed into fantastic results. You don’t want to skip right to pureeing. Especially when it comes to the sauce.

There’s also a new (and final) season of The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God coming. Trust me, folks, it’s going to be a helluva send-off and good that it ends this way.

Also, this Halloween (10/29/19 — 11/2/19) The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will be free, with proceeds from hardcover and paperback copies going to suicide prevention charities.

 

You can also download or purchase a paperback copy of the urban fantasy novel Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle.

That’s about it for now, so check back early and often for news, updates, and what my shoe size is.

Until next time,

RJM

Christmas Just Got A Lot Brighter —Freebies Inside!

Hey folks.

Do you like free-ninety-nine (aka free-99)? Check out the deal below!

The Lodestone Files Book 2

So, next week on December 22, 2018 (12/22 — 12/26), The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World will be free on Kindle.

 

the_chronicles_of_bob_ecover

On December 22, 2018 (12/22 – 12/26), The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will be free also on Kindle.

If you’ve been wanting to read these titles but haven’t had the time or urge to; how about now? 😉

I hope you enjoy them!

Until next time,

RJM

Que Será, Será Papà

Que Será, Será Papà

For Dad

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney

 

Whatever will be, will be,

Time is fleeting that I can see.

You were here for a moment,

And gone in an instant.

You’ve left your mark,

Imprinted deep within our hearts.

 

Time is said to heal all wounds,

I keep tearing mine open;

Thought to be entombed;

The only seem to deepen.

 

I missed you then, and I miss you now,

Only I cannot call you and hear you say—

“How are you and the girls?”

I know you told me that we’ll be alright;

That you love us, and you’ll miss us.

 

It’s difficult now, but you’re right,

We’ll be alright;

Because of the love, you showed us.

We know you loved us,

Because we loved you.

We’ll miss you too,

Just as you miss us.

 

In life, we’re here for but a moment,

But in death, we are together forever.

 

Que serà, serà, papà,

 Whatever will be, will be.

I’ll look for you in my dreams,

I’ll see you wherever the sun beams.

 

When the girls ask me, what will they be,

I’ll be sure to tell them.

Que serà, serà, papà,

Whatever will be, will be.

The future’s not ours to see,

But I’ll be here with every step of the way;

To support, love you, and care for you;

And prepare you for come what come may.

 

Life will be what will be,

It’s up to us to seize.

With love for each other;

Even in the darkest of times;

Tis nothing we cannot weather,

Let’s look to our lifetimes.

 

So, let’s hug a little longer, tighter,

Give an extra goodnight kiss.

Our hearts fuller and burdens lighter,

Be sure to say how much we miss;

Each other, even for a moment.

 

For you, from me, and us all,

We love you most of all.

Here and Now

Here and Now

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney

 

Here I am with a heavy head,

Having learned my father is dead.

My heart aches and yet I know,

Come tomorrow more will go.

 

Life is a constant, it revolves; out with the old and in with the new,

The pain cuts deep and to the bone, to where I want to spew.

Darkness has never been something I wasn’t acquainted with,

It’s been a love-hate relationship—a fierce smith.

Seeing others though dip their toes in it brings tears to my eyes,

I know, I know, I know that I’ll have to say goodbye.

Today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year,

What is it though that makes us seldom live in fear?

 

The unknown;

Darkness;

Cold;

All these things and more.

 

I can’t think of life in most aspects in that which I exist any different,

What I can think of were some mistakes and words said that were significant.

 

But where would I be?

Who would I be?

 

The fractures and imperfections that exist within shape our splendor;

Trying to persist through life’s trials and not give up, nor surrender.

 

The dominos have begun,

My life’s tale has been spun.

We live today,

Only a moment to say;

A blink of an eye,

Hello, goodbye.

 

Cherish every moment, friends,

For we will all meet our ultimate end.

For Aeris, a birthday poem.

A [for Aeris]

A

One of two and going on four,

Full of energy and never bored.

The younger reflection but still your own,

You used to be so small, held in my arms, now grown;

Rambunctious and free,

Oh, the horrors that await when you start climbing trees.

Three and now four?

T’was only yesterday when you were first born.

Now, you’re dashing about and seeing with the sense of wonder,

Where the world is your oyster.

Oh, what you will be,

The adventures, people, and places you’ll see.

I love you, to the moon and beyond,

So, enjoy today and tomorrow, we’ll respond;

Happy birthday to you,

My little goddess of discord.

 

With love,

Dad

Make Plans with Bob: Free Book 9/25 – 9/29

Hey folks.

Free this week (starting 9/25) as a pre-treat to your Halloween fix; as it’s no trick and surely a treat as you can five-finger discount the dark humor novella The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal – Amazon Kindle edition.

You can secure your copy via the link above in its wondrous glory, until September 29, 2018.

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal Ebook CoverIf you’ve been wanting or itching to read about Bob and what’s wrong with his noggin, then it has never been a better time to reach in the grab bag than now.

If someone you know and love knows what it’s like to be the sad man, and what it’s like to be down on their luck, this book is for them. If they want a laugh, this book is also for them. If they secretly want the world to burn and think a deranged man who kills himself multiple times a day can do it, this book is for them. Plus, it’s also free. It’s also fiction. Free fiction that combines dark humor, action, suspense, science fiction, bewilderment, and what the fuck just happened, ALL IN ONE! It’s like getting a Dell, but without the spam and malware, that’s pre-installed.

So, I invite you to take a chance. Leap off the big building of normalcy and dive head first onto the concrete with this adventure involving a beloved character who has nothing going for him. What’s the worse that happens? You could hate it, or you could love it? It’s free.

Fantastic descriptions of what it would be like to wake up with no consequences.

Realization that this is fiction and that the meme Bob is different than the actual Bob, but for all purposes, Bob still has his arms and legs.

Eagerly hope that Bob doesn’t die in the end.

Everlasting love and friendship are for the birds. This is Bob’s story, and he’s sticking to it.

If you didn’t see that subliminal message that was pretty obvious, then I don’t know what to tell you. In any case, face the void with Bob at the helm. We’re crashing this ship right into your face, and infiltrating your mind with the crazy.

Pick up The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal for free, until September 29, 2018.

To infinity and next time.

RJM

Two Weeks of Free Ebooks (Check Inside)

Hey folks.

Do you like free-ninety-nine (aka free-99)? Check out the deal below!

The Lodestone Files Book 2

So, next week on September 18, 2018 (9/18 – 9/22), The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World will be free on Kindle.

 

the_chronicles_of_bob_ecover

On September 25, 2018 (9/25 – 9/29), The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will be free also on Kindle.

If you’ve been wanting to read these titles but haven’t had the time or urge to; how about now? 😉

I hope you enjoy them!

Until next time,

RJM

A Poem: Goodbye

Goodbye
It’s time to die

It’s what we must face every day
There’s no going around it did to say
Grave as it may seem
It’s the only place where we may redeem
Ourselves from the lives we’ve lived
All that we took in and claimed to have given

Good. Bad. Ugly. Beautiful.
Nothing matters in death
Except for totality and acceptance

No exceptions
No expectations
No IOUs or low down blues

Just a meet and greet with our long lost silent friend
They, who welcome us at the end
A sight for sore eyes
No need to sympathize

Hello
Goodbye
As the light goes out in our eyes

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal Ebook Cover

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidalist’s 2018 Fourth of July Special

pexels-photo-949592

Happy Independence Day, folks. Or rather, ‘Happy-Wear-Your-USA-Flag-Bikini Day and Shoot Shit Off All Fucking Day.’ Yay!

Heaven forbid if you decide to have to, you know go to sleep early because you have a job; one that requires you to be up early as that son of a bitch rooster crowing, or if you not wearing an some Old Navy USA Flag shirt, or dislike the sounds of fireworks going off until one in the goddam morning, and your dog is howling. Then morning comes around, and you’re left with your eyes sagging lower than your nuts on your left leg because your kids couldn’t sleep. But you know, you’re the inconsiderate and un-American one if you disagree.

Hardly anyone remembers what this day means or what it represents. But since it’s a day off from the weekly work grind, folks sure do remember it then. A bunch of mindless drones.

I suppose it’s not their fault, entirely. We’ve been continually getting more dumb with each generation, that is, the mass population. You get a few bright bulbs here and there, but it’s a small number compared to the majority.

I bet you’re wondering “Bob, what are you doing with your 4th of July?” Well, bucko, lemme tell you all about it. I’m planning on shooting a bunch of shit off until who knows when. I’ve got it all planned out. Y’know, being that asshole of a neighbor. That’s the goal this year anyway.

The day started off simple enough. No itches but a ton of anxiety. We were to have folks over and make it a big shindig. Honestly, I just wanted to be left alone or go out somewhere by myself. It is what it is, though.

So we had everyone over and gathered everyone up for a show off of who’s firework ego was greater. Then I remembered, I hate the Fourth of July. After getting tired of who could fire off the bigger grade of booms, I thought it was time for my show.

I stood up and wandered over to the launcher and readied everything up. I was going to give everyone the show of a lifetime and I didn’t care. Everyone was there, all eyes on dear old Bob. At least the kids were inside playing video games.

Well, I decided to take a few M-80s and string them together (for maximum boom and to take someone’s head off. Namely mine.). I lit them and dropped them in the makeshift mortar launcher that Ted had made. Then I waited for the boom. Let me tell you, it was a hell of a rush. Y’know when you watch Mission Impossible and watching that fuse go? Hearing it sizzle, waiting for the boom. Well, I made some ‘modifications’ to the fuses, because I knew damn well that someone would try to be the hero. Sure as shit, someone tried, but I got the final discharge off. As bad as that sounds, it’s not as bad as the next bit. When I say I got the final discharge, I had my mouth open. So, you can imagine as soon as those suckers shot up, caught them in the mouth and POP goes I went.

When the day reset, the itch had begun, and I figured I’d start with the fireworks show and see what other fun ways I could off myself.

So I went with a fistful of M-80s—that was plenty painful. At least no one tried to be a hero that go around. Next up was a bunch of firecrackers—swallowed them whole. That was a spicy meatball; I’ll tell you. I know, you’re probably thinking, “Bob, that’s impossible.” No, no it’s not. It’s possible, and I do not recommend trying it. I ended up losing my hand on top of getting my insides tore the fuck up.

Those were the fun ones for that part of the day. The others were more like the grilling aspect.

* * *

So, I had my fun going out with a bang. I mentioned last time about grilling and well — let me just bring you up to speed.

The few guys I was having over wanted to have a grill out. I figured, bah, why not. Wouldn’t be too bad. Then everyone was launching their shit. Dogs were barking; cats were going crazy, kids were screaming, it was just a clusterfuck.

Well, I had about enough of it. Sure, people were having a blast and a grand old time, but old Bob? Nah, he wanted no more of it. I had just put the burgers on the grill when it happened. It was automatic I’d say, but then again, it wasn’t the first time where I went “fuck it” and just did what I wanted to do.

So, Bob’s burgers are on the grill, wandered on over to the gas can in the garage. Walked out to the middle of the street and poured it all over me. Then I flicked my lighter and toasted myself to a Happy 4th of July. A lot of people just stood there in shock that they just saw their quiet neighbor torch himself in front of everyone. Some attempted to be quick on their feet, but dear old Bob had a backup plan for that. You see I placed a few firecrackers in my pockets. You know, for that added pizzazz and flair. I must say, though, it wasn’t a great way to go. Self-barbecue. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be, and it hurts like hell. Eventually, though, your brain shuts you down, and well, your body gets well done. In my case, though, I was more medium-well.

I did a few different takes on the day. Each reset I was at a different friend’s place. Each time was a different way to go. M-80 in the gas tank of the car driving into the creek, playing Foghat’s Slow Ride. I made a custom M-80 vest and wandered out back of my pal Sid’s place and lit up, like, well the Fourth of July. At Jerry’s, I fashioned a few makeshift cherry bombs and made it look like I was taking a sip of beer, only to have my face and hand blown off. Then there was Terry’s place. We went into the woods, and I had decided that I would be a Wicker Man. So, I outfitted myself with I don’t remember how many and kinds of fireworks but when we got to the spot and unloaded. I told the guys I had a show for them. They all laughed and said “Alright, Bob. Can’t wait.” That night I lit myself up and gave them a presentation to remember.

The last time was where I had no itch and where I wasn’t really in a mood for offing myself. Crazy I know. I decided to spend it with my family and enjoy the time. That night, my wife and I got to coupling. In the end, it was a good day. Hardly anyone shot their shit off. It was pretty nice. Later on, though, as it rolled into the 5th, I ended up dying in my sleep.

I know, I know, you’re thinking “Bob, you didn’t kill yourself?” You’re right. I was amazed as well. Still, at least I shot my rocket off, and well, it ended up being a happy ending.

Well, until the other stuff happened to me but that’s something you can find out for yourself.

 

 

 

chronicles-of-bob-full-cover

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal was a writing project by Robert J. S. T. McCartney, here at A.B.Normal Publishing. You can purchase the dark comedy novella, The Chronicles of Bob: the Chronic Suicidal on Amazon in various formats [Free on Kindle Unlimited].
THIS  STORY IS A WORK OF FICTION. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.