The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal Ebook Cover

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal 4th of July Special and 2020 Sale

Happy Independence Day, folks. Or rather, ‘Happy-Wear-Your-USA-Flag-Bikini Day and Shoot Shit Off All Fucking Day.’ Yay!

Heaven forbid if you decide to have to, you know, go to sleep early because you have a job. One that requires you to be up early as that son of a bitch rooster crowing, or if you not wearing an Old Navy USA Flag shirt, or dislike the sounds of fireworks going off until one in the goddamn morning, and your dog is howling. Then morning comes around, and you’re left with your eyes sagging lower than your nuts on your left leg because your kids couldn’t sleep. But you know, you’re the inconsiderate and un-American one if you disagree.

Hardly anyone remembers what this day means or what it represents. But since it’s a day off from the weekly work grind, folks sure do remember it then—a bunch of mindless drones.

I suppose it’s not their fault entirely. We’ve been continually getting more dumb with each generation, that is, the mass population. You get a few bright bulbs here and there, but it’s a small number compared to the majority.

I bet you’re wondering, “Bob, what are you doing with your 4th of July?” Well, bucko, lemme tell you all about it. I’m planning on shooting a bunch of shit off until who knows when. I’ve got it all planned out. Y’know, being that asshole of a neighbor. That’s the goal this year anyway.

The day started off simple enough, no itches but a ton of anxiety. We were to have folks over and make it a big shindig. Honestly, I just wanted to be left alone or go out somewhere by myself. It is what it is, though.

So we had everyone over and gathered everyone up for a show-off of who’s firework ego was greater. Then I remembered, I hate the Fourth of July. After getting tired of who could fire off the more significant grade of booms, I thought it was time for my show.

I stood up and wandered over to the launcher and readied everything up. I was going to give everyone the show of a lifetime, and I didn’t care. Everyone was there, all eyes on dear old Bob. At least the kids were inside playing video games.

Well, I decided to take a few M-80s and string them together (for maximum boom and to take someone’s head off. Namely mine.). I lit them and dropped them in the makeshift mortar launcher that Ted had made. Then I waited for the boom. Let me tell you, it was a hell of a rush. Y’know when you watch Mission Impossible and watching that fuse go? Hearing it sizzle, waiting for the boom. Well, I made some ‘modifications’ to the fuses because I knew damn well that someone would try to be the hero. Sure as shit, someone tried, but I got the final discharge off. As bad as that sounds, it’s not as bad as the next bit. When I say I got the final discharge, I had my mouth open. So, you can imagine as soon as those suckers shot up, caught them in the mouth, and POP goes Bob.

When the day reset, the itch had begun, and I figured I’d start with the fireworks show and see what other fun ways I could kill myself off.

So I went with a fistful of M-80s—that was plenty painful. At least no one tried to be a hero that go around. Next up was a bunch of firecrackers—swallowed them whole. That was a spicy meatball; I’ll tell you. I know you’re probably thinking, “Bob, that’s impossible.” No, no, it’s not. It’s possible, and I do not recommend trying it. I ended up losing my hand on top of getting my insides tore the fuck up.

Those were the fun ones for that part of the day. The others were more like the grilling aspect.

So, I had my fun going out with a bang. I mentioned last time about grilling and well — let me just bring you up to speed.

The few guys I was having over wanted to have a grill out. I figured, bah, why not. Wouldn’t be too bad. Then everyone was launching their shit. Dogs were barking; cats were going crazy, kids were screaming, it was just a clusterfuck.

Well, I had about enough of it. Sure, people were having a blast and a grand old time, but old Bob? Nah, he wanted no more of it. I had just put the burgers on the grill when it happened. It was automatic, I’d say, but then again, it wasn’t the first time where I went “fuck it” and just did what I wanted to do.

So, Bob’s burgers are on the grill, wandered on over to the gas can in the garage. Walked out to the middle of the street and poured it all over me. Then I flicked my lighter and toasted myself to a Happy 4th of July. A lot of people just stood there in shock that they just saw their quiet neighbor torch himself in front of everyone. Some attempted to be quick on their feet, but dear old Bob had a backup plan for that. You see, I placed a few firecrackers in my pockets. You know, for that added pizzazz and flair. I must say, though, it wasn’t a great way to go, self-barbecue. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be, and it hurts like hell. Eventually, though, your brain shuts you down, and well, your body gets well done. In my case, though, I was more medium-well.

I did a few different takes on the day. Each reset, I was at a different friend’s place. Each time was a different way to go. M-80 in the gas tank of the car driving into the creek, playing Foghat’s Slow Ride. I made a custom M-80 vest and wandered out back of my pal Sid’s place and lit up, like, well the Fourth of July.

At Jerry’s, I fashioned a few makeshift cherry bombs and made it look like I was taking a sip of beer, only to have my face and hand blown off. Then there was Terry’s place. We went into the woods, and I had decided that I would be a Wicker Man. So, I outfitted myself with I don’t remember how many and kinds of fireworks but when we got to the spot and unloaded. I told the guys I had a show for them. They all laughed and said, “Alright, Bob. Can’t wait.” That night I lit myself up and gave them a presentation to remember.

The last time was where I had no itch and where I wasn’t really in a mood for offing myself. Crazy, I know. I decided to spend it with my family and enjoy the time. That night, my wife and I got to coupling. In the end, it was a good day. Hardly anyone shot their shit off. It was pretty sweet. Later on, though, as it rolled into the 5th, I ended up dying in my sleep.

I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Bob, you didn’t kill yourself?” You’re right. I was amazed, as well. Still, at least I shot my rocket off, and well, it ended up being a happy ending.

Well, until the other stuff happened to me but that’s something you can find out for yourself.

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal Ebook Cover
Kindle Cover of Bob

So here we are ladies and gentlemen. About elbow deep into 2020 and look at everything going on. It just makes you wonder. . .

Anyway, The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal is on sale for $0.99 and then it will go up to $1.99 before returning to full price of $2.99 on 7/7/20.

If you liked Groundhog Day and like dark comedies, then Bob’s your uncle. . .or your kind of book. Also if you have Kindle Unlimited you can read it and plenty of your favorites, besides my trash (oh silly people).

Shameless promotion of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle but it’s also on the Kindle store and waiting patiently for your reading enjoyment. I have to pay child support for the red-headed bastard love child between my friend and I.

Also as a reminder, don’t try this at home. It’s a fictional story.

Lastly, have a great weekend and be safe out there.

Until next time,


The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal was a writing project by Robert J. S. T. McCartney, at A.B.Normal Publishing. You can purchase the dark comedy novella, The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal on Amazon in various formats [Free on Kindle Unlimited].

Kindle Deal – Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle On Sale 6/12 — 6/18

Hey folks.

I just wanted to drop a line while I am digressing from some writing to say that Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle will be on sale for $0.99 6/12, and will then be $1.99 on 6/15. Finally, the price will return to 6/18.

If there’s ever been a time to get your Kindle copy, it’s coming up. Unless you’re already a Kindle Unlimited member, then you can already get it for free, you lucky dog. If you’re not a KU member, click this link to get started!

*Affiliate links are used.

1 June 12, 2020 at 8:00 AM (PDT)80h$0.9967%
2 June 15, 2020 at 4:00 PM (PDT)80h$1.9934%
End June 19, 2020 at 12:00 AM (PDT)Original list price $2.99
If you’re more of a visual person, here’s a table to break it down for you.

I invite you to partake of the sale and give my thanks to those that do. If Lilah’s not your cup of tea, I invite you to check out:

The Lodestone Files: The Things in the Shadows

The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal

In the meantime, Lynaly’s Requiem is coming along well…as is the next title. After all, you can’t have Act II without I and IV. 😉

Until next time,


The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal Ebook Cover

Upcoming Deal – The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal

Hey folks,

I just wanted to give everyone a heads up on a deal in July for The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal. We’ll be doing a countdown deal to commemorate the 4th of July Special of Bob. So we’re making Bob available July 1, 12 AM PDT for $0.99, and then the price will go up to $1.99 sometime during that period until July 8th, midnight PDT.

If you haven’t gotten a look at the beloved suicidal who takes life into his own hands and tries to wrong some rights all while suffering the consequences of his actions, then you should.

The title was initially a therapeutic exercise of mine and such, became suicide fiction about suicidal ideation. I hope you’ll join me on celebrating Bob, and as usual, any profits go to Mission 22 and other suicide prevention organizations.

Take care and be safe out there!


P.S. If you’re looking for something else to sate your reading appetite, may I suggest checking out Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle also available on Kindle and paperback/hardcover.

Trick or Treat: Bob’s Saving You a Seat

Hey, folks.

Your Uncle Bob is getting dressed for the occasion that matters most in the year. That’s right, kiddies — Halloween! So what better way than to share the wondrous story of amazement that is The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal from 10/29/19 — 11/2/19 for your Amazon Kindle.

There are no nougat, caramel, nuts (well Bob is a bit off his rocker, but you know that’s just how he is). However, it contains zero calories, sugar-free, gluten-free, all-natural, and no additives except for what life adds. There’s also no razor blades so you parents out there can rest assured that you’re getting a real treat.

Look, there isn’t a sugarcoated pill that’s swell enough to swallow when it comes to suicide; nor is mental illness a joke. A lot of times it gets swept under the rug like everything else going on in the world. Through the stories dark humor and take on the matter, it’s a self-projection of the number of times that I wanted to experiment in certain situations.

Also, to help the fight against suicide, for every paperback and hardcover edition that is purchased, all proceeds will be donated to the following charities. Mission22, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS).

Remember folks, no one has to go it alone in life. Let’s end the stigma about suicide, and let’s do something about it.

Also, I wish you all a happy and safe Halloween.

As always…until next time,


If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Or, text HOME to 741741 to be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor through Crisis Text Line.

What’s Up?

Hey, folks.

Some may be wondering what I’ve been up to (while others may not and that’s alright too).

Well, in short, I continued to take a little break. I’ve still been working on material and content for Abnormal Publishing but I also been doing it a lot less rushed state. A lot has been going on with life, the death of my father, managing weight, health, family, etc. Writing, while it’s my passion and such, it’s just a side project that I enjoy and do what I can when I can. Now that the kiddos are doing full-time school that opens up some time to help squeeze some juice in to sate what I want to get done.

I am also waiting patiently for 2020 to come around because I have a lot of what I have been saving to just unload all over put out for folks to read. There are also more stories planned and a new universe that was created that I am sure some people will enjoy. I am also looking to expand the story of Bob, the beloved suicidalist, and even Walter and Dana’s adventures. There is a trove of new characters, stories, and settings to go that I have to probably convert it to an Excel spreadsheet.

There is also a (nearing) 1K page epic post-apocalyptic tale that will need to be chopped, diced, and then its remains pureed into fantastic results. You don’t want to skip right to pureeing. Especially when it comes to the sauce.

There’s also a new (and final) season of The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God coming. Trust me, folks, it’s going to be a helluva send-off and good that it ends this way.

Also, this Halloween (10/29/19 — 11/2/19) The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will be free, with proceeds from hardcover and paperback copies going to suicide prevention charities.


You can also download or purchase a paperback copy of the urban fantasy novel Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle.

That’s about it for now, so check back early and often for news, updates, and what my shoe size is.

Until next time,


Christmas Just Got A Lot Brighter —Freebies Inside!

Hey folks.

Do you like free-ninety-nine (aka free-99)? Check out the deal below!

The Lodestone Files Book 2

So, next week on December 22, 2018 (12/22 — 12/26), The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World will be free on Kindle.



On December 22, 2018 (12/22 – 12/26), The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will be free also on Kindle.

If you’ve been wanting to read these titles but haven’t had the time or urge to; how about now? 😉

I hope you enjoy them!

Until next time,




By Robert J. S. T. McCartney

Nothing is perfect in this life,

There’s no one, other than you, that could be my wife.

We’ve been through so much;

The good and the bad, thick and thin;

Just trying to survive the day as such,

I’ll take any chance with you as a win.

I told you way back when,

“I love you,” remember back then?

Before we were even a thought,

I waited, and waited, time never bought.

Here we are many years later,

Getting older and grayer.

Even though times may get trying,

There is no use in hiding;

The life that exists and lives within;

Babe, it’s because of you that from then and herein;

I am for you, by you, and with you every step of the way.

And though we may at times struggle to make it through,

I’ll do anything I humanly can do;

To show you that I love you,

Especially, when we both said, “I do.”

And though the darkness may at times wash over me,

I look to heaven for your light to guide me.

I reach out for your hand,

Together, we’ll traverse the misshapen land.

In my head, it’s a crowded and loud mess,

I tell you this because I’d share with you nothing less.

I hope that when I go;

Before you, so you know;

I’ll be there waiting, smiling,

“I told you, I loved you so.”

For Kay

Que Será, Será Papà

Que Será, Será Papà

For Dad

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney


Whatever will be, will be,

Time is fleeting that I can see.

You were here for a moment,

And gone in an instant.

You’ve left your mark,

Imprinted deep within our hearts.


Time is said to heal all wounds,

I keep tearing mine open;

Thought to be entombed;

The only seem to deepen.


I missed you then, and I miss you now,

Only I cannot call you and hear you say—

“How are you and the girls?”

I know you told me that we’ll be alright;

That you love us, and you’ll miss us.


It’s difficult now, but you’re right,

We’ll be alright;

Because of the love, you showed us.

We know you loved us,

Because we loved you.

We’ll miss you too,

Just as you miss us.


In life, we’re here for but a moment,

But in death, we are together forever.


Que serà, serà, papà,

 Whatever will be, will be.

I’ll look for you in my dreams,

I’ll see you wherever the sun beams.


When the girls ask me, what will they be,

I’ll be sure to tell them.

Que serà, serà, papà,

Whatever will be, will be.

The future’s not ours to see,

But I’ll be here with every step of the way;

To support, love you, and care for you;

And prepare you for come what come may.


Life will be what will be,

It’s up to us to seize.

With love for each other;

Even in the darkest of times;

Tis nothing we cannot weather,

Let’s look to our lifetimes.


So, let’s hug a little longer, tighter,

Give an extra goodnight kiss.

Our hearts fuller and burdens lighter,

Be sure to say how much we miss;

Each other, even for a moment.


For you, from me, and us all,

We love you most of all.

Goodbye For Now

Goodbye for Now

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney


You had a way about you,

Words were worn like a shoe.

You just knew what to say and do,

There won’t be another dad like you.


You were an example of what the best can be,

Now I only hope you’ll be able to see;

The fruits of your labors and watch them blossom.


We loved you in big ways, and we loved you in small ways;

Unexpired and transcendent of time;

You were Dad, and you were mine;



You never asked for much,

And now we miss your touch.

The cold has come and set in,

And our grief…where to begin?

Our hearts are heavy, and we know not what to do,

Dad, what are we do without you?


And so, we lay you to rest today,

But before you go, I just wanted to say;

I love you,

Bye, bye;

Au revoir;



Auf wiedersehen;

Bye, bye;

Only for now.


Read 11/30/2018

For Dad

For Dad

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney


What can I say except that I love you?

What words can I find to say that I’ll miss you?

Words… there are so many that I could choose—

None though can describe the void that now dwells within.


You were my dad, and although some of the times seemed bad,

I hope you know I was never mad.

You did what you could,

I know that I should—

Have sought you out sooner.

Because later has come and now…

You’re gone.


I’m glad that I got to see you and make amends,

To show you an example of a man;

I had become and noted all the nuances,

I saw that we were more alike,

Even though miles and years apart.


I’m happy you got to see your grandchildren,

That twinkle in your eye.

I could tell you were proud of me,

And I of you.


So even though you’re gone from the here and now and ascended to the stars above,

I hope grandma, grandpa, uncle Pat, and everyone else welcome you home.

I hope one day you’re there;

Waiting for me,

The rest of us,

A family reunion.

Where we bask in each other’s company,

That we can all catch up.


I loved you then, and I love you now,

I know though that when I say goodbye, it’s just for now.


With love,

Your Son