What’s New?

Hey, folks.

RJM here, dropping a quick line about some new stuff coming up.

Paperback copies of the following titles will be soon available on Amazon:

  • The Lodestone Files: The Things in the Shadows
  • The Lodestone Files: The Cat, The Mouse, and The Thing From Another World
  • Abnormal Side Effects

Pre-orders for The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will open up soon. It will have a placeholder image/cover, for now, since it is being redone.

There will be digital and paperback copies available. However, hardcover copies will be extremely limited to 13. These will be signed, numbered, and include an extra snippet following the story.

There will also be a new anthology dubbed Abnormal Side Effects: Refill. This collection will have everything that the first did not. There will be a compiled version where the two are one and via box set.

More projects are underway, and there are also plans to cover BlizzCon 2017. Since it will be a first-time experience, it’ll be documented and reported on. It’s something I am excited to share.

But really… Vacation! Everyone needs some R & R. It’s recommended. If I were a doctor, I’d prescribe it with a severe amount of refills…and probably be out of practice rather quickly.

That’s all for now. I’ll be sharing some other goodies soon enough.

Until next time,

RJM

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Coming This Fall—November to be Precise

Hey, folks.

So, we’re not doing a cover reveal yet…but The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal is finished.

I wanted to share an excerpt from our beloved suicidalist on one of his many escapades. In addition, here are some other points to address.Paperback may be the only print format available—at first. If anything, there would just be a limited amount of hardcovers, which would include a little something extra about Bob. If you like the story and how it goes, trust me, it’s something you’ll love.

Format: Paperback may be the only print format available—at first. If anything, there would just be a limited amount of hardcovers, which would include a little something extra about Bob. If you like the story and how it goes, trust me, it’s something you’ll love. As always, if you buy a print copy, you get a digital copy for free with us (and Amazon).

Pricing: $3 flat. It could be less or it could be about the same. The chances are high that it’ll just be $3 flat.

Cover: It’s gonna be sexy. At least in our eyes.

Surprise! If you want a digital version of Lilah’s Guide to Hoyle for free, just go to the store, set out to buy it, and enter in the coupon LILAHFREE. Boom. Done. You can then download it as many times as you want…or even gift it.

You can also nab The Lodestone Files: The Things in the Shadows and Abnormal Side Effects for free too.

Anywho, without further ado… Here’s a brief excerpt from The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal.


Episode One: The Chronic Suicidal

Have you ever had those moments where you’re sitting there (or hell, driving) and just thinking, “Man, I could totally kill myself right now.” Or maybe—and work with me here—you’re sitting at the dinner table with your family. You know, your spouse, perhaps your parents, kids, siblings, whatever. Then the moment you break bread you’re just like, “Fuck it!” You slam your palms down (or fists, or do a table flip, I don’t fucking know), grab that steak knife, and . . . slit. You know? Slit your own throat? Literally. Right there. At the dinner table. You got blood spraying, gushing out, dripping down your clothes, all over the furniture, the walls, the fine China, the mashed potatoes, on your folks, in your kid’s eye.

Well, if you’ve ever had moments like these, where you’re compelled to do the unthinkable, you’re not alone. Hell, I do it all the time. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Bob Barnen, and I am a chronic suicidal.

Christ, it sounds like I’m at some AA meeting, or in the confessional or something. Yeah, well, I’m not. The truth is, I dunno where I am. I mean, I do, I just don’t know where exactly I am. I guess I could be dead, dreaming, in a coma. I tried asking others: my wife, my kids, my folks, my friends—hell, even my dog! No one has a goddamn clue what the hell is going on. What I do know is this: every time I commit suicide, I’m put right back in bed, safe and cozy.

I guess I could start by telling you about the first time I had the impulse, and why I did what I did.

Now, lemme tell ya, I had no regrets. Not even a letter. I loved my family, an’ hell, I still do. It wasn’t their fault that I wanted to end it. I was just done. Just done with life. I couldn’t handle the stress of a transfer out of state, of meeting people who were culturally different, and honestly, of not knowing a single goddamn person. I mean sure, the pay was good, yeah, but what good is the pay when you bust your balls and ask all the boys at the cooler—“Hey, Pete, Bill, Shaun, guy—to get a drink after work and don’t get a single goddamn word in reply? Instead, they give you this look like, who the fuck are you? Oh, it’s the new guy! Bah, fuck ’em. I’ll tell you what, those sons of bitches who say that they’re there “if you need help,” or some “reasonable accommodation,” or their “door is always open,” they’re lying sons of bitches. They don’t care about you. They don’t care about no one except their own goddamn selves and their fat fucking wallets.

I do apologize, I seemed to have run off there.

So here’s the deal: job transfer out of state. I’m a desk jockey at a firm that deals the stock market. Been married for thirteen years, four kids. I have a nice house, decent pay, fucked-up neighbors. I got a car, dog, and some cats. What’s there to be wrong? Probably absolutely nothing, and I get that. What happened was pretty simple. I jumped. I jumped right off the roof of the office building right smack onto the cars and curb below. I say “and curb” because I think—I’m pretty sure at least—that my feet snapped on it and shattered. I dunno. I can’t say I remember anything other than a giant forceful knockout that, well, knocked the shit out of me.

You might be asking, “What were your final thoughts?” Well, for starters: “Oh shit, oh shit, bad idea, bad idea.” Followed by, “I’m flying!” Then, “Holy shit the ground is coming up fast.” Next, “Why am I doing this? Who’s going to take care of the kids, and my wife? What the hell am I doing?” And then, some guilt, anger, sadness, love, happiness. Finally, nothing. Pow! Lights out.

Now, hindsight being twenty-twenty, yeah, it was pretty fucking stupid. Do I regret it? Yes and no. Yes, because I was dumb to leave my family alone in this fucked-up world. And no because, well, I can’t die. OK, I can die, but I can’t die. I’m like Bill fucking Murray in an extreme, uncensored version of Groundhog Day, but it’s been going on now for . . . fuck if I know. Either way, nothings working, and truth be told, I’ve started to actually enjoy it. If this is how I get to spend the rest of my days, so be it, I guess. I get to see my wife, my kids; that’s good enough for me. Still, I can’t shake the thought of there being more to this. For now, I’ll just get dressed.

By the way, if you haven’t figured it out yet—I recently killed myself at the dinner table.

—END EXCERPT—


So there you have it, folks. I hope you enjoyed this sampling of Bob’s meaty loins.

Until next time,

— RJM and Friends

Johnny Nightwalker: The End

Energy arced and cracked off of johnny. He looked at Omega and waved his hand. Omega was sent tumbling through the air and skidding across the ground.

Omega made efforts to try and assimilate any free energy in the air but couldn’t find any.

“You could have helped prevent this. You could have helped humanity. You ruined it all. You took them all away from me,” Johnny said as he gathered energy into his hand.

“Look, Johnny, it doesn’t have to end this way. We could rule over this world as brothers. You know?” Omega started to plead. He then threw his hands up in the air in disgust. “On second thought, I’m not the sharing type.”

Omega tried to make use of his fighting prowess, but it was of no use.

Johnny roared savagely and hit Omega with a fistful of energy. Omega was sent down into the earth. It was deep enough to send lava to the surface.

Johnny waited.

The Earth trembled and spat out a disfigured Omega; blackened and scarred with ash. Molten lava still adhered to him in some places.

“What have you done? What have you done to me?” Omega screamed.

“You have definitely seen better days,” Johnny remarked.

“I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you and this miserable planet! I don’t need it. I can just reshape it from the ashes and piss on your corpse!” Omega then began to laugh hysterically.

“You’ve lost. Give it up,” Johnny replied.

Omega snapped his fingers, and the earth began to shake violently. “Ace up my sleeve, short stack. Never play without one.”

Johnny gritted his teeth. He clasped his hands together and muttered a few words. The Horsemen appeared and attacked Omega, alternating each attack. Then the fallen Guardians did. Chico, Red, Pierre, Snake, Rottie…all of them. Then Johnny summoned the rest of his power. “It. Ends. Now.”

Lightning struck Johnny, and he was engulfed by the blue-white light. The roar of a tiger echoed throughout the heavens. His appearance mimicked a white tiger. Johnny attacked Omega, decimating him. Omega then laid on the ground, gasping for breath. “You’ll never save this planet.”

Johnny, in his tiger appearance, tore out Omega’s throat. He assumed his human form and wiped the blood from his mouth.

The Earth began to shake more violently and rumbled with impending doom. Without a clue of what to do, Johnny dropped to his knees.

Mom. Dad. I’ve let you down. I’ve let everyone down. Johnny waited for the end to come. However, Johnny felt the earthquakes begin to subside and heard a voice come to him.

Who is it that weeps for those lost? Who is it that defeated the beast that had set me on a self-destructive path?

Who—who’s there? Johnny asked.

I am Gaia, the spirit of the Earth. I have been in pain for so long. Then there was an exponential increase recently. There was someone who tried to kill me. I heard someone crying in the midst of the madness. Someone who wanted only to save the world and all those who were dear. Thus, I found you, child.

A beautiful woman in green and white appeared before him. “Are you the one who saved me?”

Johnny stood up and cautiously approached the woman. “I am.”

The woman smiled, “Then you are indeed the Guardian I have been waiting for.”

***

I no longer roam the night alone, for it is my friend. The day calms me and comforts me, for it is the silver lining of existence.

We are all interconnected, interwoven. Our fates, shared. Our destinies, our own. You are all a part of me, such as I am you. You are free. The world…is now free.

I am no longer The Nightwalker. I am the Guardian, Protector of Gaia, and the Earth.

***

A short time had passed. Humanity began to rebuild and right some of the wrongs it had done. Johnny looked down over the city below, watching over people rebuild. With hope in his heart that people could change. However, he’d be ready to defend the earth if the need to ever arose. The wind blew softly through his hair. He could almost see Gaia caressing his cheek as she continued on her way through the heavens. As he stared up at the sky and the clouds rolling, he could feel the gaze of the Guardians and Jerry looking down. He smiled at this and went down to lend a hand at those who worked to rebuild.

The End

JOHNNY “NIGHTWALKER” IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS.
Previously
The Nightwalker ToC

A Note from RJM: I hope you enjoyed the story of Johnny Nightwalker. There will be a final/print and polished digital version (eventually). These series of posts do not represent the final product, so please bear that in mind.

The Nightwalker may return…for now though; his story is complete.

Until next time,

RJM

Johnny Nightwalker: The Unstoppable Force Meets The Immovable Object

Omega laughed and clapped. “Such a moving display. A real 180 there, kiddo. Eight out of ten, I’d nominate you for an Oscar for sure.” He smirked, “You are correct. I AM THE OMEGA. I AM GOD!” He shouted as he went for Johnny’s throat.

Then there came the understanding. Omega couldn’t touch Johnny. “What is this?”

“You’re nowhere near the power you claim to possesses,” said Johnny. “I am far beyond whatever level you are. You are the gnat now.”

Omega shrugged. “Well then… if that’s all…” He wound up another hit, this time connecting with Johnny’s jaw.

Johnny looked back in shock.

Omega grinned. “What can I say? I’m a fast learner… Plus you’re not the only one that can absorb energy or souls.

Johnny’s eyes widened. The people that had been murdered were reanimated into the nightmarish creatures. He had felt a particular note in the air but couldn’t quite place it. Now he knew why.

The two fought for a while, both proving to be equal in strength. However, as more and more time passed Johnny could tell Omega’s power gap was widening.

I can’t keep this up. Omega’s outclassed and outmatched me. I’d need more help. I need help. Jerry. I’m sorry, I cannot do it.

The sky cracked with lightning, and thunder rolled. Blood rained hard down upon them. Despair and defeat began to sink in.

“So, you see the futility of it all at last? Ha, just when it was getting interesting. Pathetic,” Omega grinned.

Johnny then felt a familiar presence; a hand placed on his shoulder. “You’re not alone Johnny. We’re all with you until the very end.”

Johnny looked to his right and left. Behind him were the former Guardians, trainers, the people that were slain, and Jerry.

“Give ‘em Hell, kid,” Johnny heard Snake say. Everyone offered words of encouragement.

“Even though we’re gone, and we can’t be there, beside you, we’re all part of you, just as you were a part of us. We’re all interconnected, a shared destiny. Here, this is your moment. For us, for the world.” Jerry patted Johnny on the back.

A blue light coursed through all the people, Guardians, and trainers alike until it amplified through Jerry.

“The night is not your enemy but your friend. We are all beacons in the dark. You shall not go it alone. Let the day’s glow bask you in the night. Free us. Save the world. You’re the Nightwalker no more, Johnny. You are the Guardian of Earth.” Jerry then placed his hand on Johnny’s shoulder.

The power was exhilarating. So much emotion. Johnny was beside himself as he watched all the light go out and the familiar faces dissipate. Until the light last came to Jerry. “You’ve been a wonderful friend, Johnny. Now, it’s time to end this madness and evil of a man. We’ll see each other again. One day.” Johnny felt tears well up. “Goodbye, my friend.” Jerry then vanished, and Johnny was left alone with all the power in the world.

Omega tried to attack Johnny during the spectacle, but it was all for naught. Every attack, every effort was deflected like it was nothing. He had, at last, come to the realization. It was the end.

JOHNNY “NIGHTWALKER” IS AN ONGOING A.B.NORMAL PUBLISHING EXCLUSIVE STORY BY ROBERT J. S. T. MCCARTNEY. CHECK HERE FOR MORE POSTS.
Previously
The Nightwalker ToC

What’s Coming and What’s Up

Hey, folks.

It’s been a little while, hasn’t it? When life happens, you learn to adapt. There’s a lot going but it’s all for the greater good.

So, what’s to share?

We’re wrapping up production on The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal.

Meanwhile, the multipart conclusion of Johnny Nightwalker will be coming up this evening.

Part three of The Lodestone Files is being worked on, along with many other projects.

You can also check out books one and two of the series in the shop.

So, as for the delay in things…

It’s also a good idea to take a break, look over things, then get back at it, because let’s face it; nothing ever gets done on its own.

Keep at what you do and make sure YOU love what you do. Especially, when it comes to writing. I know and am aware not many folks give a damn what I do or write, but that’s OK. I write for me. An audience of one, is better than an audience of none.

I’ll bee posting intermittently over the next few years as well. There are certain things in motion that need to happen. I’ll still be writing… just not posting as much (not like I do, right? Life. In all its wondrous glory!).

Do stick around for more things to come. I wish you all well and to stay safe.

Until next time,

RJM

One More Light

One More Light

by Robert J. S. T. McCartney

It happened again. The dream where trillions of stars went out in the night sky. One by one, then dozens, until finally, all that remained was the full moon that slowly faded to nothing. The icy chill of nothingness wrapped its fingers around us all. Something we, as a whole—as humans, were not accustomed to. Sharing the same fate, the same grief. The light of the universe had gone out. There was no hope left. There was only death.

As I stared around, I saw people running rampant in the streets. The only light that lit up the sky was the faint glowing of city streets and raging fires. I thought it funny in a way. All the times we spent polluting the air with fake images, adverts, lights and otherwise that masked the beauty of the universal splendor that encompassed us. We were but a drop in the ocean. Now, though, the ocean had dried up.

I was gifted with an unusual ability. The one I didn’t understand, at least at the time. Now that the sun had died and the rest of the universe had gone dark, we were probably the only place left in existence that dared defy the darkness. I thought, so very like us; to confront, challenge and try to fight against the odds. Sadly, it wouldn’t be something we could ever hope to win.

The planet was beginning to freeze, and casualties were already high. Many countries resulted just ending it all by nuclear war. A lot of people committed their last acts of sin, proclaimed their love to their significant others and families, killed themselves, murdered other people. Observing it was hard, though enduring it was as hard.

I spoke of a gift that I possessed. On the day of my death, I said goodbye to my wife and kids. I was jettisoned from my body. I traversed in spirit through a blue-white portal that took me to the realm of the living…in another universe. I opened my eyes and looked around. Indeed, I was alive. How I could not tell you.

Then there came the telltale signs of the end to which I bore witness to. I tried to reason with my family and friends. I tried telling everyone. I tried social media, blog posts, anything I possibly could. I was called a liar, a crazy person, banned from church, labeled as insane, and that I should have my children taken away from me, and my wife divorce me.

Weeks before NASA had some reports that said stars in various solar systems were dying at a rapid rate and that it was spreading fast. I had sat with my wife and kids when I watched the announcement and had a grin on my face. I had told them all the truth, but none would listen.

On the evening of when the stars went out as I had once experienced it, I told my wife and kids that I would see them again. I gave them an embrace and like before; I left my body. My physical form dropped to the ground, and I was sent to another universe.

I had stopped counting how many Earths I have visited. Each time, I felt like I was getting more and more lost with why I have such a gift. What purpose was there in my ability? What good was it if I can’t save my family, friends, let alone humanity? I don’t want to be a hero…I only want to be with my family. I don’t want to carry our problems to the next world, where it seemingly already exists. So many thoughts, hypotheticals and such flooded my racing mind as I traversed universes.

While I was lost in thought, I could have sworn I saw myself but dismissed it as a possible reflection of time, since it seemed like a mirrored hallway when I’d reach the precipice of traveling from one point to another. I shook my head and disregarded it as just a coincidence.

At last, I came to a universe where the light was still lit. Our world, however, was nothing like it was when I had left. Irradiated and in a unique stasis field, where only our solar system existed. However, humans had become disfigured and decrepit—resembling the walking dead, but with our typical wit and sense.

I noted the surrounding and how familiar it was to me.

“How did you get here?” a raspy woman’s voice inquired.

“The light in this universe hasn’t gone out yet?” I replied.

The woman shook her head. “It has. Our solar system is the only one left in the Darkness.”

“What happened then?” I asked.

The woman’s black eyes looked to the ground and then back to my eyes. “A man came from another time with a gift that could provide us with new lives,” she gestured with his hands, “this is what became of us. He, however, has been gone for some time.”

She cleared her throat and asked again where I came from.

“I come from another time. Where the Darkness, as you so call it, took place,” I said.

The woman nodded. “A lot of people died you know.”

I nodded in reply. “I know, I was there until I finally started traveling.”

The woman began to weep.

“What’s wrong,” I asked her.

She wiped away a murky tear and gave a broken smile. “We never once stopped believing you’d find us again.”

 

 

 

This was also posted on A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group.

A Side Project [End of the World WIP]

So, with everything that’s going on (or rather has been going on) lately in the news. I got to thinking…I really need to crack down on my historical (fantasy) fiction novel. Why is “fantasy” in there? I’ll get to it in a moment, but first…

A few years back I had a dream. One where we started to have a social decline. Where people started doing more cyber-bullying and extreme trolling than ever before. The young adults and children started to die from “peer-pressure” or suicide pacts; were encouraged to kill themselves and such perverse acts. Some were groomed…to rape, take up arms and join some of the newest militias (old and new) and be ready for the coming war.

We had a president… one whom we couldn’t quite make heads or tails of, but I do remember Obama exiting the White House, and then things started going south. I only remember that the new president was boisterous, very loud, demanding, but also doing a lot of double-speak.

Next, there was an uprise of ISIS and other terrorist groups. They actually all united together, believe it or not…proposing to one another that in their Fear War, they would divide up the spoils of war…and how they would go along doing it. The extremists of the Right and Left also became loud. Very loud. There were riots at protests, a lot of people were hurt, and then there came again the matter of the Police’s lives being at risk. Civil uprise began. Nazism rose up once again. The KKK was assimilated by the Neo-Nazi’s and together. It was the beginning of our second Civil War.

Across the seas, terrorism spread like wildfire. “It is under control,” they said; the authorities trying to sway our faith—keeping it with them, instead of being afraid of what was coming. War. North Korea was a threat, sure. They eventually attempted to attack the US, but it was a distraction. Secretly, it was a live war game, prescribed and written as dispensed on both sides to keep the eyes of the world on us, while the black flags of terror were sweeping across the world. It was no longer a war over seas. It came here. It had come. The keyboard warriors that had shouted so, loud and proud that they would “end those sons of bitches.” They were left cowering over their status updates on Twitter and Facebook.

What happened next was sad…it’s true… The Pope was assassinated by the “United Terrorist Group” as a show of might. A new one was quickly elected and then… there was a heavenly sent messenger.

“A new crusade must begin. While we have respected those who would practice anything Christian or Catholic…it is time to strike out the heart of evil. The Muslim extremists must be slain,” the new Pope declared.

Yes, a new crusade. Granted, it wasn’t against the Pagans or all those non-Christian or non-Catholic…but it was a crusade against Muslims—particularly the group(s) we hear and see nowadays in the news.

The Nazis rose and fought against the Anifa group. The other movements and groups were pulled to a side. The military was deployed and Marshal Law was declared. A lot of people died. The second Civil War would eventually end…but at a bloody cost.

The economy crashed—hard. It would be the worst Depression we had ever seen the likes of. Climate Change picked up exponentially. Though, there was a lot of “yes” and “no” on that debate…so the matter was never settled within the scientific community.

Then North Korea mysteriously blew up. A stage act to bring China, Russia, Iran, and a few other countries to go to war with the USA. North Korea was “free” but it was quickly being circled by the countries who wanted to install a new government body. A treaty would be established…but at the cost of millions of lives.

While this had gone on for some time, there were new laws and reforms that were signed into law. Many of which were never voted on publicly. This was all done during the “North Korean Escapades,” and this…this led us to our second Revolutionary War and continuation of the Civil War (it had not ended yet, officially).

It then a proceeds to a clash of ordinary citizens with Neo-Nazis, with government officials/soldiers/etc. Meanwhile, the terrorist groups were laughing at us…but also suffering serious losses themselves. Eventually, they were driven to the brink of extinction…but alas, you can never kill an idea.

Now, here comes in the fantasy bit. Around the precipice of the action, we encountered many strange phenomena occurring here on Earth. Ice completely melting, frequent quakes and strange weather. Climate Change was to blame, but then on the day of the massive quake where we lost most of California, there emerged a giant brown dragon that was adorned with golden spiked tips. In the sea, there was a giant green bipedal beast with red eyes, the head of a Tyrannosaurus, and massive forearms. I know, it sounds kinda like Godzilla, right? Then, from the Arctic regions, a white giant squid. The Middle East had an army of piranha like beings that flew. Think, bats or birds but could strip a body down to the bone in seconds. Finally, there was a flying pterodactyl being with brilliant shimmering feathers from somewhere in South America.

TL;DR version: Pretty much the world goes to shit and a lot of crazy shit went on. It’s a historical (fantasy) fiction novel after all… But some parts that are going on today are pretty questionable. Far-fetched, yes, but let’s hope we can be reasonable with each other, regardless, in our days.

And so, that was me sharing with you all, and idea…and basic outline that I did from a dream/nightmare a few years back. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Friday night to finish enjoying. 😉

Take care and until next time,

RJM

 

Disclaimer: If I hadn’t made it clear…this was all in a dream. Thus, fiction. So, NSA and such… I’m not plotting or anything. I’m just a writer writing about a dream that I had. Go home.

New Book Coming Soon! The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal

This entry was originally posted on A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group’s website, where I write and contribute… a lot. 

The Chronic Suicidal is Coming Soon Q3/4 2017

Hey, folks.

As some of you may have seen on Facebook or Twitter, we’re getting ready for the great coming of Bob, the Chronic Suicidal.

The Chronicles of Bob: The Chronic Suicidal will be on sale later this year in all formats (ebook, print, and hardcover). Price, cover, and more will be released soon.

There will be a limited batch of signed copies on hand, with a contest set to claim them. Contest specifications, rules, and such are TBA, and are subject to change on a whim.

As always, when you purchase a print copy, you’ll get the Kindle version for free.

There will also be “Bob” merchandise. More on that later.

I know, I know, that’s a lot of “later” talk… but trust me, you’re gonna love his tale.

For now, you can read the raw story, as it unfolded, here on A.B.Normal Publishing and Media Group.

Please remember, this is fiction. It’s an entertainment tale; a take on a fictitious entity. We do not support or encourage suicide. We are not doctors or professionals in the field of medicine or mental psychology or psychosis. If you’re in need of help, please contact a licensed practitioner or contact the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or go to Suicide Lifeline Prevention.

We look forward to bringing you another exciting story to places around the world.

I invite you to stay tuned for more.

Until next time,

RJM

Hanging on to a Thought

Even though you’re gone,
We’ll keep moving on.
You’ll be another thought—a memory,
Someone who was just like me.

You should hear the things that they say
That you “quit and threw it all away.”

That “you didn’t care about the rest world,”
“Selfish. Good riddance.” Other “sentiments” hurled.

Though, I know that you’re somewhere around,
Safely watching all the things that will become unbound.

They say it’s a joke, a cop-out, and easy to quit,
“Live. Let love.  C’mon, man, take another hit.”

To leave behind all that you love and make a great escape,
When we live and breed in a world full of greed and hate.

For when the demons have finally won, what more is there to say?
“Why did you give up. Why didn’t you stay?”

So often we say that we’re fine,
Debating, procrastinating, biding my time.

When will it be?
All this misery…

Too many times I’ve put it all down,
Not to let myself be consumed, pulled under and drown.
Letting others know that it’s not my time to go.
And though I smile and try to be strong,
My thoughts, they’re dark; caged, I don’t know how long.

Eventually, the dam will break,
All that has been locked away—will I wake?

It’ll be a day where there’s no preparation,
Maybe then we can have our conversation.

In the end, we die alone,
But in life we’re lights, shone.
To each other in the dark,
We guide one another, looking for our spark.

And so your story might have ended,
Those who are lost will continue to be tended.
Our invisible wounds from which that we bleed,
All the pain and agony inside which has sown its seed.

We’re not alone in our daily struggle,
But the world makes it harder to “love your neighbor.”
Frowned upon and looked down on,
Being called “a freak,” and “you should kill yourself.”

The problem isn’t us or those that already hurt,
It’s those that antagonize and do so spurt—
Content and think they’re “safe” behind their computer screen,
When they’ve never even met you or me.

So I understand why you felt you had to go,
I only wish you could have lived to see life so.

What wonders that maybe… the world will bring,
Even if though we’ll never hear you sing.

…Again…

Comfortably numb do I exist,
Still, I’ll fight and continue to resist.
The darkness and horror that lives within,
So that maybe others can be helped—that they can see what life’s like when it begins.


Rest easy, and thanks for all you’ve done.

This was also published on www.abnormalpublishing.com

A Poem: Bedtime

Bedtime

By Robert J. S. T. McCartney

As I lie here and rest my head
Next to you, where we’ve made our bed

In the dark, where my eyes dare play tricks
My view obscured by the plight of the night

The light, faint and ever growing tired, it mimics
A heart, and lungs, breathing

I often worry, though
That, how of which you lie
Restful slumber; your silhouette
Is as much as death, forever sleeping

So I cling and often toss and turn
Waking to the demons that dare try to come and take you away;
Wildly swinging, and shooing them tirelessly
“Begone, pest from another plane!” I growl

And so I’ll fight until my eyes do tire
The morning light comes, and then you stir
Then I can rest until the night comes again

As long as I have you by my side
I’ll try and try, defend and brave against the darkness and the demons that lurk

Otherwise…

I’m nothing without you
I can sleep when I eventually die

For my wife.